Week 9: Friday's Roundup

You know it's a good day in FBLG when your closer
scores 11 points. 

Studs: Clayton Kershaw (CB) struck out 14 and allowed 1 run in a 7-inning no-decision. Stephen Strasburg (CB) struck out 7 and allowed 2 runs in a 7-inning win. Kenley Jansen (CB) struck out 4 in a 2-inning win. Josh Harrison (M) was a triple short of a cycle, drove in 2 and scored twice. Giancarlo Stanton (M) homered, doubled, scored 3 runs and walked. Jimmy Nelson (LGM) struck out 11 in 8 shutout innings. Nolan Arenado (PYB) doubled twice, singled, scored twice, drove in a run and walked. Anthony Rendon (FF) homered, doubled, drove in 3 and scored twice. Eduardo Nunez (R) doubled twice, singled, drove in 3, scored and walked. 

Duds: Jerad Eickhoff (BM) allowed 4 runs and struck out 2 in a 2.2-inning loss. Jim Johnson (PYB) blew a save, allowed 2 runs and struck out 1 in 1 inning of work. Chris Owings (R) went 0-fer with an error.

Week 9: Thursday's Roundup

We considered using a photo of Chase Anderson,
but then we had a much better idea. 

Studs: Zack Greinke (R) fanned 8 and allowed 1 run in a 7-inning win. Adam Wainwright (FF) didn't allow a run and struck out 6 in a 6-inning win. He also hit a 2-run homer for the only runs of the game, but we don't really care about those kinds of things in FBLG anymore. Chase Anderson (BM) — yes, the former Diamondbacks pitcher who is the definition of "replacement level" — got the win and struck out 7 in 7 shutout innings. 

Dud: Chris Owings (R) went 0 for 4 with an error. 

Week 9: Wednesday's Roundup

Justin Bour is a strange-looking feller. 

Studs: Justin Bour (CB) homered twice and drove in 3. Jake Lamb (LGM) tripled, doubled twice, scored, drove in 2 and walked. Marcell Ozuna (LGM) homered, singled twice, scored twice and drove in 3. Carlos Martinez (AL) struck out 9 and allowed 1 run in an 8-inning win. Max Scherzer (R) went the distance in a victory, striking out 11 and allowing 1 run. 

Duds: Many tried to earn a spot on this list, but none succeeded. 

Week 9: Tuesday's Roundup

1. Who says baseball is a joyless sport? Just look at the twinkle in Robbie "Mona Lisa" Ray's eyes!
2. This picture was followed by the officer saying, "OK, turn to the left."
3. Someone off-camera clearly just turned on the hedge trimmers and threatened his beard.
4. Robbie is pouting, hoping to be traded and never have to pitch in Chase Field again.
5. This year at home: 1-2, 6.75 ERA. Road: 4-1, 0.64.
6. At home, he's Mike Pelfrey. On the road, he's Clayton Kershaw.

Studs: Zach Cozart (PYB) had 2 solo homers and 2 walks. Robbie Ray (PYB) tossed a 10-strikeout shutout. Austin Hedges (FF) homered, doubled and drove in 4.

Duds: Though he didn't post negative numbers, Cody Bellinger (Q) went 0-for-6 with 4 whiffs and 9 left on base. HONORARY DUD. Vince Velasquez (LGM) got hurt and took the loss, allowing a run in 1.1. innings. Cesar Hernandez (PM) and Cameron Rupp (PYB) went 0-fer with an error. Ian Desmond (PM) singled and erred. Tyler Anderson (PM) allowed 6 earned runs - to the Mariners, no less - and struck out 3 in a 5-inning loss. Jonathan Villar (PYB) walked and was caught stealing.

Week 9: Monday's Roundup

Jeff Samardzija (shitload of hair) collides with Mike Morse (slightly less but much greasier hair) while trying to hit
Bryce Harper (adorably tousled hair) during a brawl. Looking on are Hunter Strickland (green hat), Daniel Murphy
(mid-length greasy hair) and an anonymous Giant who's probably hitting .190 (green hat). 

Studs: Hunter Strickland and Bryce Harper provided plenty of entertainment by trading punches. Hunter Pence, Mac Williamson and George Kontos hilariously dragged Strickland off the field before he got himself killed out there. 

Duds: Jeff Samardzija and Mike Morse came out guns blazing and knocked noggins, which led to Morse being placed on the DL with concussion symptoms. 

Actual studs: Tanner Roark (AL) struck out 6 in a 7-inning win and didn't allow a run. Hunter Renfroe (PYB) hit a grand slam and walked, falling just shy of our normal Stud threshold of 8 points. However, we cut him some slack because it's amazing that the Padres actually managed to load the bases. 

Actual duds: Eugenio Suarez (CB), Brandon Crawford (AL) and Adrian Gonzalez (M) singled and erred. Tommy Joseph (R) walked and erred. 

Week 8: The Check Swing

Stephen Strasburg was extremely good. His uniform was extremely ugly. 

1. Bodysuit Man (1481.5 points, 6-2, last week 1): The Fightin' Costanzas had a solid week but fell to the hard-charging Clemente's Bucs. A closer look at BM's performance reveals studly behavior from Charlie Blackmon (36.5), who is on pace to drive in every run in the damn world this year, and Adam Duvall (31). Beyond that, there wasn't much to get excited about besides a nice week from our favorite (active) guido catcher, Francisco Cervelli (17). 

2. Clemente’s Bucs (1426.8 points, 5-3, last week, 3): Ray's team blasted 10 homers and got 51.3 points from Clayton Kershaw and Stephen Strasburg, which is a pretty good recipe for success. In fact, Strasburg's 27-point outing is one of the highest scores ever by a FBLG pitcher who didn't throw a no-hitter. (Note: This fact has not been verified because the world doesn't respect fact checkers anymore. Or facts, actually.)

Hack Wilson holds the single-season record for
runs batted in, with 191. Charlie Blackmon should
eclipse that by the all-star break.

3. Lawyers Guns and Money (1406.7 points, 6-2, last week 2): Sure, LGM came away with a win this week, but it's hard to feel comfortable with this roster right now. Bryce Harper will miss time after that little brouhaha in San Francisco, Vince Velasquez has a scary-sounding elbow injury, John Lackey is suddenly showing his age (which is, like, 100 in horsey years), and Addison Reed is a Mets reliever. It's a good thing Jake Lamb is the second coming of George Brett. 

4. The Rookies (1399.2 points, 5-3, last week 6): All you need to know about Henry's 206-point week is that his starting pitchers posted 92 of those points. My goodness. If hunky Tony Watson (2.7) had done anything but crap the bed, this could have been an epic pitching week for the Rooks. Zack Greinke, Alex Wood, Jon Lester and Max Scherzer combined for a 4-2 record and 52 Ks in 40 innings with 14 earned runs allowed. 

5. Project Mayhem (1367.2 points, 4-4, last week 4): Bill rode the right arms of Johnny Cueto (25) and Raisel Iglesias (14.7) to a win in a tight battle with the commissioners. Carlos Gonzalez (20) and Michael Conforto (19.5) also excelled, which is more than we can say for Aaron Nola (3) and Rich Hill (0), who had just as many points as DL trips this week. 

6. Pitch! You Blockhead (1361 points, 3-5, last week 5): A double-start week provided Zach Eflin 2 opportunities to be terrible, and the Philly right-hander obliged. He posted a scored of -3 by going 0-2 with 15 earned runs allowed in 11 innings. It's hard to say Eflin was singlehandedly responsible for PYB's 6-point loss to LGM, but we're going to say it anyway. 

If you do a Google search
for Dud of the Week
Zach Eflin, Google will
say, "Did you mean Zac
Efron? You MUST
have meant Zac Efron."

7. Fresh Fish (1318 points, 4-4, last week 8): Rick's squad homered 8 times in its win against the Losers, and they all came from a couple of Anthonys. Anthony Rendon went deep 4 times (and doubled 3 times, singled twice and walked 4 times) while racking up 34 points. Anthony Rizzo also left the yard 4 times in a 26-point week. We have to make fun of someone, though, and that someone is Yasmany Tomas (3.5), who was outscored big-time by Nick Ahmed (14). 

8. Quirkin’ For a Livin’ (1308 points, 3-5, last week 7): The commissioners had the only FBLG team without a 20-point scorer in week 8. That's ... not good. Neither is this pitching staff, which includes Lance Lynn, Greg Holland and a bunch of guys who were either picked up as free agents or will be free agents very soon. 

9. Arbitration Losers (1285.7 points, 4-4, last week 9): Tim's team came up short in a battle against the Fish, and we're going to blame Ryan Braun. The brittle Brewer scored 0.5 point before getting a paper cut, or biting his lip while chewing gum, or whatever he did to end up on the DL this time. On the bright side, Paul Goldschmidt (24.5) was great as always, and Tanner Roark (19) was alarmingly effective. 

10. The Misfits (1087.8 points, 0-8, last week 10): Reid's team really stepped up its game this week, but unluck of the draw meant a beat-down at the hands of the red-hot Rookies. German Marquez won twice and led the way with 29.7 points, and Josh Harrison collected 14 hits on his way to a 20-point week. (Side note: Harrison had 14 hits and 2 walks and only scored TWICE?!? Get it together, Pirates.)

Week 8: Sunday's Roundup

                                                         Hey, look! It's Domingo Santana! 

Studs: Johnny Cueto (PM) struck out 8 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. Adam Duvall (BM) homered twice, singled and drove in 5. Domingo Santana (R) homered, doubled, drove in 4, scored 3 runs and walked. Jay Bruce (AL) doubled twice, singled, drove in 2 and scored. Jimmy Nelson (LGM) fanned 10 and allowed 1 run in a 7-inning win. 

Duds: Patrick Corbin (BM) allowed 7 runs and fanned 3 in a 4-inning loss. Eugenio Suarez (CB) went 0 for 4 and was caught stealing. Jon Lester (R) allowed 6 runs and struck out 3 in a 3.1-inning loss. Zach Eflin (PYB) is working toward putting up a negative score for the season, apparently. He allowed 7 runs and struck out 3 in a 5-inning loss. Your commissioners (Q) neglected the blog for a few days because of laziness, indifference, busy lives or some combination of the 3.