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| Rhys Hoskins? Nice try, Phillies. We all know that's just a repackaged Darin Ruf. |
Well, our friends at ESPN are making this far more difficult than it needs to be. Apparently, teams' point totals don't include any points earned during the playoffs. Alrighty then. We'll take a different approach to breaking down the first week of the FBLG postseason.
Second-round matchups
Winners: 1 Bodysuit Man v. 5 Fresh Fish
Winners: 2 Clemente's Bucs v. 3 Lawyers Guns and Money
Losers: 7 Quirkin' For a Livin' v. 8 Arbitration Losers
Losers: 4 The Rookies v. 6 Pitch! You Blockhead
Consolation: Project Mayhem v. The Misfits
In review
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| Is that your orthopedic back pillow? |
1 Bodysuit Man v. 8 Arbitration Losers: Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle... Costanza? Bodysuit Man came into the playoffs as FBLG's top team and certainly proved it in an opening-round win against AL. Adam's team put up 408.3 points, with Charlie Blackmon (51) and Gio Gonzalez (46.3) leading the way. Gerrit Cole (37.3) is looking ace-worthy again, and there were unexpected outbursts from Howie Kendrick (38.5) and Freddy Galvis (39). For the Losers, Jay Bruce (47) and Paul Goldschmidt (43) did some mashing at the plate. Michael Wacha (-0.7) was pretty lousy, and the Milwaukee duo of Ryan Braun (9) and Hernan Perez (8.5) was worth less than a couple of leftover bratwurst.
2 Clemente's Bucs v. 7 Quirkin' For a Livin': The commissioners hung with the 21ers for a week, but the second week showed why the Bucs are a serious threat to go the distance. Rhys Hoskins (36.5) is apparently the greatest young slugger in baseball history, and Eugenio Suarez (53.5) absolutely went off. Starling Marte (45) ripped 18 hits, including 15 singles. All told, the Bucs hit 24 homers and drove in 68 runs. The only blight was Dud of the Week(s) Mike Leake (-7.7), who went 0-2, allowed 14 runs in 7 ugly innings and probably stole some T-shirts. For the Quirkers, Jon Gray (40.7) was phenomenal, but the rest of the pitching staff went 0-5. Greg Holland (-1.3) puked up a hairball, and Cody Bellinger (7) got hurt. When the season started, the commissioners certainly didn't count on Scooter Gennett (40) and Nick Markakis (39.5) being their top offensive performers.
3 Lawyers Guns and Money v. 6 Pitch! You Blockhead: LGM didn't reach the 400-point mark, but it was still an impressive performance. Marcell Ozuna (52.5) had an awesome stretch and wasn't even close to being the best Miami hitter. Ozzie Albies (42.5) made contributions across the board, and Joey Votto (38) walked about a thousand times. Luis Castillo (32) fanned 24 batters and allowed only 3 earned runs in 17 innings and still went 0-2 because the Reds stink. Adam Conley (34.7) gave up a bunch of runs but got loads of run support, and Corey Knebel (35.3) was dominant in 6.1 innings. PYB, meanwhile, was good but not good enough. Christian Yelich (48) and Nolan Arenado (40) did their usual stuff, and Mark Reynolds (38.5) and Brandon Phillips (37.5) stepped up their games. The tag-team duo of Hunter Renfroe (4.5) and Denard Span (2.5) was a real letdown, though.
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| Joe Maddon and Anthony Rizzo argue with an umpire who incorrectly thought Giancarlo Stanton had the best 2-week stretch for a FBLG player. |
4 The Rookies v. 5 Fresh Fish: The only upset of the first round wasn't much of a surprise. Henry's club rode the arms of Jon Lester, Max Scherzer, Zack Greinke and Alex Wood all season long — but Scherzer (DNP), Lester (-5) and Wood (20) got hurt at the wrong time for the Rookies. Greinke (35.3) did what he could, but it wasn't enough. Freddie Freeman (36.5) and Curtis Granderson (35) led the offense, but this team needed its aces to advance. For the Fish, Anthony Rizzo (68.5) homered 4 times and drove in 21 runs. The rest of the offense combined for only 3 homers, which shows how this offense got it done in other ways. Mr. Consistency Patrick Corbin (58.7) was masterful in going 3-0; he struck out 21 and allowed 1 earned run in 23.2 innings.
Project Mayhem v. The Misfits: Are the Misfits FBLG's best team? They've been playing like it for a while recently. Reid's club put up 404 points over the 2-week stretch thanks to an explosive offense. Giancarlo Stanton (68) homered 8 more times and drove in 18. Josh Bell (47), Javier Baez (42), Josh Harrison (40) and Gerardo Parra (40) were major forces, as well. For the struggling PM, there wasn't much to get excited about. Rich Hill (27) took a no-hitter into the 10th innings but got no run support and ended up taking the loss. Michael Conforto (18) wasn't doing much before dislocating his shoulder swinging and missing in what might be the most Mets injury ever. Cesar Hernandez (33.5) was the team's leading scorer, which probably tells you everything you need to know.
