Week 9: Tuesday's Roundup

1. Who says baseball is a joyless sport? Just look at the twinkle in Robbie "Mona Lisa" Ray's eyes!
2. This picture was followed by the officer saying, "OK, turn to the left."
3. Someone off-camera clearly just turned on the hedge trimmers and threatened his beard.
4. Robbie is pouting, hoping to be traded and never have to pitch in Chase Field again.
5. This year at home: 1-2, 6.75 ERA. Road: 4-1, 0.64.
6. At home, he's Mike Pelfrey. On the road, he's Clayton Kershaw.

Studs: Zach Cozart (PYB) had 2 solo homers and 2 walks. Robbie Ray (PYB) tossed a 10-strikeout shutout. Austin Hedges (FF) homered, doubled and drove in 4.

Duds: Though he didn't post negative numbers, Cody Bellinger (Q) went 0-for-6 with 4 whiffs and 9 left on base. HONORARY DUD. Vince Velasquez (LGM) got hurt and took the loss, allowing a run in 1.1. innings. Cesar Hernandez (PM) and Cameron Rupp (PYB) went 0-fer with an error. Ian Desmond (PM) singled and erred. Tyler Anderson (PM) allowed 6 earned runs - to the Mariners, no less - and struck out 3 in a 5-inning loss. Jonathan Villar (PYB) walked and was caught stealing.

Week 9: Monday's Roundup

Jeff Samardzija (shitload of hair) collides with Mike Morse (slightly less but much greasier hair) while trying to hit
Bryce Harper (adorably tousled hair) during a brawl. Looking on are Hunter Strickland (green hat), Daniel Murphy
(mid-length greasy hair) and an anonymous Giant who's probably hitting .190 (green hat). 

Studs: Hunter Strickland and Bryce Harper provided plenty of entertainment by trading punches. Hunter Pence, Mac Williamson and George Kontos hilariously dragged Strickland off the field before he got himself killed out there. 

Duds: Jeff Samardzija and Mike Morse came out guns blazing and knocked noggins, which led to Morse being placed on the DL with concussion symptoms. 

Actual studs: Tanner Roark (AL) struck out 6 in a 7-inning win and didn't allow a run. Hunter Renfroe (PYB) hit a grand slam and walked, falling just shy of our normal Stud threshold of 8 points. However, we cut him some slack because it's amazing that the Padres actually managed to load the bases. 

Actual duds: Eugenio Suarez (CB), Brandon Crawford (AL) and Adrian Gonzalez (M) singled and erred. Tommy Joseph (R) walked and erred. 

Week 8: The Check Swing

Stephen Strasburg was extremely good. His uniform was extremely ugly. 

1. Bodysuit Man (1481.5 points, 6-2, last week 1): The Fightin' Costanzas had a solid week but fell to the hard-charging Clemente's Bucs. A closer look at BM's performance reveals studly behavior from Charlie Blackmon (36.5), who is on pace to drive in every run in the damn world this year, and Adam Duvall (31). Beyond that, there wasn't much to get excited about besides a nice week from our favorite (active) guido catcher, Francisco Cervelli (17). 

2. Clemente’s Bucs (1426.8 points, 5-3, last week, 3): Ray's team blasted 10 homers and got 51.3 points from Clayton Kershaw and Stephen Strasburg, which is a pretty good recipe for success. In fact, Strasburg's 27-point outing is one of the highest scores ever by a FBLG pitcher who didn't throw a no-hitter. (Note: This fact has not been verified because the world doesn't respect fact checkers anymore. Or facts, actually.)

Hack Wilson holds the single-season record for
runs batted in, with 191. Charlie Blackmon should
eclipse that by the all-star break.

3. Lawyers Guns and Money (1406.7 points, 6-2, last week 2): Sure, LGM came away with a win this week, but it's hard to feel comfortable with this roster right now. Bryce Harper will miss time after that little brouhaha in San Francisco, Vince Velasquez has a scary-sounding elbow injury, John Lackey is suddenly showing his age (which is, like, 100 in horsey years), and Addison Reed is a Mets reliever. It's a good thing Jake Lamb is the second coming of George Brett. 

4. The Rookies (1399.2 points, 5-3, last week 6): All you need to know about Henry's 206-point week is that his starting pitchers posted 92 of those points. My goodness. If hunky Tony Watson (2.7) had done anything but crap the bed, this could have been an epic pitching week for the Rooks. Zack Greinke, Alex Wood, Jon Lester and Max Scherzer combined for a 4-2 record and 52 Ks in 40 innings with 14 earned runs allowed. 

5. Project Mayhem (1367.2 points, 4-4, last week 4): Bill rode the right arms of Johnny Cueto (25) and Raisel Iglesias (14.7) to a win in a tight battle with the commissioners. Carlos Gonzalez (20) and Michael Conforto (19.5) also excelled, which is more than we can say for Aaron Nola (3) and Rich Hill (0), who had just as many points as DL trips this week. 

6. Pitch! You Blockhead (1361 points, 3-5, last week 5): A double-start week provided Zach Eflin 2 opportunities to be terrible, and the Philly right-hander obliged. He posted a scored of -3 by going 0-2 with 15 earned runs allowed in 11 innings. It's hard to say Eflin was singlehandedly responsible for PYB's 6-point loss to LGM, but we're going to say it anyway. 

If you do a Google search
for Dud of the Week
Zach Eflin, Google will
say, "Did you mean Zac
Efron? You MUST
have meant Zac Efron."

7. Fresh Fish (1318 points, 4-4, last week 8): Rick's squad homered 8 times in its win against the Losers, and they all came from a couple of Anthonys. Anthony Rendon went deep 4 times (and doubled 3 times, singled twice and walked 4 times) while racking up 34 points. Anthony Rizzo also left the yard 4 times in a 26-point week. We have to make fun of someone, though, and that someone is Yasmany Tomas (3.5), who was outscored big-time by Nick Ahmed (14). 

8. Quirkin’ For a Livin’ (1308 points, 3-5, last week 7): The commissioners had the only FBLG team without a 20-point scorer in week 8. That's ... not good. Neither is this pitching staff, which includes Lance Lynn, Greg Holland and a bunch of guys who were either picked up as free agents or will be free agents very soon. 

9. Arbitration Losers (1285.7 points, 4-4, last week 9): Tim's team came up short in a battle against the Fish, and we're going to blame Ryan Braun. The brittle Brewer scored 0.5 point before getting a paper cut, or biting his lip while chewing gum, or whatever he did to end up on the DL this time. On the bright side, Paul Goldschmidt (24.5) was great as always, and Tanner Roark (19) was alarmingly effective. 

10. The Misfits (1087.8 points, 0-8, last week 10): Reid's team really stepped up its game this week, but unluck of the draw meant a beat-down at the hands of the red-hot Rookies. German Marquez won twice and led the way with 29.7 points, and Josh Harrison collected 14 hits on his way to a 20-point week. (Side note: Harrison had 14 hits and 2 walks and only scored TWICE?!? Get it together, Pirates.)

Week 8: Sunday's Roundup

                                                         Hey, look! It's Domingo Santana! 

Studs: Johnny Cueto (PM) struck out 8 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. Adam Duvall (BM) homered twice, singled and drove in 5. Domingo Santana (R) homered, doubled, drove in 4, scored 3 runs and walked. Jay Bruce (AL) doubled twice, singled, drove in 2 and scored. Jimmy Nelson (LGM) fanned 10 and allowed 1 run in a 7-inning win. 

Duds: Patrick Corbin (BM) allowed 7 runs and fanned 3 in a 4-inning loss. Eugenio Suarez (CB) went 0 for 4 and was caught stealing. Jon Lester (R) allowed 6 runs and struck out 3 in a 3.1-inning loss. Zach Eflin (PYB) is working toward putting up a negative score for the season, apparently. He allowed 7 runs and struck out 3 in a 5-inning loss. Your commissioners (Q) neglected the blog for a few days because of laziness, indifference, busy lives or some combination of the 3. 

Week 8: Wednesday's Roundup

You don't want to walk a Frazier four times in one game, Atlanta.
(Before you ask, yes, it's old sitcom week here on the blog.)

Studs: Kyle Hendricks (Q) earned a 7-inning win, striking out 5 and allowing 2 runs. Carlos Gonzalez (PM) homered, singled twice and drove in 3. Adam Frazier (CB) had a homer, a single, a steal, a ridiculous 4 walks, 3 runs and 3 RBIs. Tanner Roark (AL) struck out 8 and allowed 1 run in a 7-inning win. Anthony Rizzo (FF) homered twice, singled and walked. Nick Ahmed (FF) had a single, a double, a steal, 2 runs and 2 RBIs. You don't know how much it pains me to put him on this list.

Duds: Tommy Joseph (R) went 0-fer with an error.

Week 8: Tuesday's Roundup

Hunky Tony Watson before pitching Tuesday.

Studs: Lance Lynn (Q) had 10 strikeouts and allowed 1 run in an 8-inning no-decision. His counterpart, Clayton Kershaw (CB), did slightly better by striking out 10 and allowing 1 run in a 9-inning no-decision. Michael Conforto (PM) homered twice, singled and drove in 4. Charlie Blackmon (BM), who has seemingly been on this list every day this year, homered twice and drove in 4. Justin Bour (CB) singled twice, double, homered, scored 4 runs and drove in 2. German Marquez (M) - who is not actually German - struck out 6 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. Jon Lester (R) tossed a complete game, allowing a run and striking out 10. Anthony Rendon (FF), who only hits homers in bunches, hit 2 of them and a double, scoring 3 runs and driving in 5.

Less hunky Tony Watson after the Braves got done with him Tuesday.

Duds: Yadier Molina (M) singled, was caught stealing, and made an error. Wait, the great Yadi made an error? Surely the fault on the play belonged to one of his teammates. Tony Watson (R) had a not-hunky day, blowing a save, taking the loss and allowing 2 runs in 0.2 innings. Zach Eflin (PYB) continued his run of Dud appearances, allowing 8 runs and striking out 4 in a 6-inning loss. Jim Johnson (PYB) finally pitched like the Jim Johnson we know and love, allowing 2 runs in 0.2 innings and blowing the save.

Week 8: Monday's Roundup

He's pitching so well right now that he can tell the hitter what's coming and still strike them out.

Studs: Charlie Blackmon (BM) had a single, double, steal, 2 runs and 3 RBIs. Ben Zobrist (R) homered, tripled and drove in 2. Nice of you to wake up now, Ben, you jerk. Zack Greinke (R) allowed a run and struck out 12 in an 8.2-inning win.

Duds: Gerrit Cole (BM) struck out 2 and allowed 5 earned runs in a 4.2-inning loss. Josh Harrison (M) singled and committed an error.

Week 7: The Check Swing

If we were ESPN, we would make a terrible "down goes Frazier" pun. Man, ESPN is just the worst, isn't it? 

1. Bodysuit Man (1307.7 points, 6-1, last week 1): Adam's team bounced back from its first loss of the season by barely squeaking past Project Mayhem. Charlie Blackmon was up to his usual tricks, ripping 10 hits and driving in 6 runs. The pitching was just average, with only Gerrit Cole reaching double figures, which is impressive considering he fanned only 3 batters in 7 innings. Yeah, there's a long way to go, but Bodysuit Man just doesn't feel like the same team without Adam Eaton and Noah Syndergaard. 

2. Lawyers Guns and Money (1244.7 points, 5-2, last week 2): The battle between Giants fans fittingly was a low-scoring duel. Matt's team came out ahead of AL by 4.2 points and became FBLG's only 5-2 squad. NL player of the week Jake Lamb was just ridiculous, homering 4 times, driving in 10 and walking 6 times. The pitching staff was nothing special though. Despite going 2-1, the staff combined for only 26.7 points. A.J. Ramos tossed 1 inning, which was still more than the injured Trevor Cahill. 

3. Clemente’s Bucs (1239.7 points, 4-3, last week, 6): Two hundred and thirty-one points? Seriously? No one could have anticipated Ray's team going berserk like this. And the Bucs fired on all cylinders: The pitching staff combined for 6 wins in 6 starts, led by 2 apiece from Stephen Strasburg and Kyle freaking Freeland. Aledmys Diaz was the worst hitter, and he still reached double digits. Adam Frazier and Justin Bour combined for 50 points. I just don't know what to believe anymore. 

Mr. Irrelevant has been
FBLG's best relief pitcher. 

4. Project Mayhem (1206 points, 3-4, last week 3): Bill's team fell 2.4 points shy of Bodysuit Man but still remains one of FBLG's top title contenders. Michael Conforto homered twice and looks like a reliable source of offense; Kris Bryant homered three times, which is no surprise. Carlos Gonzalez is getting hot, which helps make up for Ryan Zimmerman predictably crashing to earth. Rich Hill and Aaron Nola are (finally) off the DL, which has bolstered the rotation. 

5. Pitch! You Blockhead (1205 points, 3-4, last week 4): It certainly wasn't a terrible week for Scott's team, but PYB had no chance against Clemente's Buzzsaw. There were plenty of — what's the opposite of kudos? — duds to go around for PYB. Eric Thames managed only a single. Cameron Rupp singled and homered but made 2 errors. Zach Eflin got lit up and posted a -5. If your pitching staff allows 21 runs in 36 innings, you're not going to win too many matchups, even with Hunter Renfroe scoring 25.5 points.

6. The Rookies (1192.5 points, 4-3, last week 5): When Eduardo Nunez scores 27 and Zack Wheeler scores 24, you know it's your week. And it certainly was for Henry, who knocked off the commissioners without too much effort. They might not be big names, but Domingo Santana, Chris Owings and Ender Inciarte combined for 51.5 points. Unfortunately, The Rookies have lost the potent bat of Freddie Freeman, who is out with a broken wrist.  

How do you add insult to injury?
After Dud of the Week Julio Urias
got shelled, he got sent down
to Oklahoma City. 

7. Quirkin’ For a Livin’ (1158.5 points, 3-4, last week 7): The commissioners' team just doesn't do much of anything well. These guys don't hit the ball out of the yard (8th in homers), they don't steal bases (6th), they don't drive in runs (8th), they don't strike guys out (9th) and they don't pitch deep into games (9th in innings). The one thing the commishes got right was drafting Greg Holland, who has 19 saves. No other FBLG team has more than 10.

8. Fresh Fish (1149.2 points, 3-4, last week 9): All right, who woke up Rick's team? It's cruel to bust out a 203-point performance against the winless misfits, but you know those Florida types, always running up the score like Steve Spurrier and Bobby Bowden. Matt Kemp turned back the clock and smacked 13 hits, including 2 homers and 4 doubles. He got support from the suddenly relevant Billy Hamilton and nice outings from Dan Straily (lol), Adam Wainwright and Jake Arrieta. Nick Ahmed, the Jeff Mathis of shortstops, contributed a whopping 3 points. 

9. Arbitration Losers (1140.7 points, 4-3, last week 8): We made fun of Matt's pitching in the Battle By the Bay, but Tim's arms were even worse. Julio Teheran and Tanner Roark combined for -9 as the AL pitchers posted a record of 0-2 and scored 23 points. The hitting storyline was the same old, same old. Paul Goldschmidt and D.J. LeMahieu blah blah blah good, everyone else just blah. (OK, Brandon Crawford scored 19 points, but no one really noticed.)

10. The Misfits (926.8 points, 0-7, last week 10): The baseball gods are not happy with Reid for some reason. Justin Turner, Andrew Toles and Madison Bumgarner are hurt. Josh Bell is having a breakout season, but Giancarlo Stanton hasn't been anything special. The pitchers took it in the shorts this week, with Julio Urias and Seung-Hwan Oh (that's his name AND his score) combining for -6.7 points. On the bright side, Wily Peralta got sent to the bullpen and scored 12 points while pitching only 2 innings. 

Week 7: Sunday's Roundup

Have you ever had that dream where you show up to work naked? Jake Arrieta has.

Studs: Stephen Strasburg (CB) struck out 11 and allowed 2 runs in a 7.2-inning win. Kris Bryant (PM) homered twice and scored 4 runs. Jake Arrieta (FF) threw 6 shutout innings with 6 strikeouts in a win. Adam Wainwright (FF) allowed a run in 6.1 innings, striking out 6 in the win. Brandon McCarthy (M) allowed a run in 6 innings with 5 strikeouts in a win. Willson Contreras (LGM) singled twice, doubled, scored twice and drove in 3. DJ LeMahieu (AL) homered, doubled, singled twice and drove in 2.

Duds: Matt Cain (PYB) allowed 7 earned runs in 5.1 innings, striking out just 1 in the loss. Nick Ahmed (FF) scored a run and made an error.

Week 7: Saturday's Roundup

This year's Ryan Schimpf Award frontrunner is Scott Schebler. Power, whiffs and not much else.

Studs: Corey Seager (Q) homered, doubled, walked, scored twice and drove in 2. Scott Schebler (CB) homered, singled and drove in 4. Dan Straily (FF) struck out 8 and allowed 3 earned runs in a 5.2-inning win. Giancarlo Stanton (M) had 3 doubles and 3 RBIs. Jake Lamb (LGM) singled, doubled, walked twice, scored twice and had 2 RBIs. Carlos Martinez (AL) threw 9 shutout innings with 5 strikeouts in a hard-luck no-decision.

Duds: Joc Pederson (Q) went 0-fer with an error. Julio Urias (M) had no strikeouts and allowed 6 runs in a 2.1-inning loss.