 |
| We promised a return to normal this week, so get ready for a Patrick Corbin mini-rant. |
No changes in the overall points standings this week, but with two weeks to go before the playoffs, the postseason is beginning to take shape. We also have three teams within 100 points of our leaders, so the points race is still exciting.
In the Chipper Jones division, Fresh Fish have a 2-game lead and have clinched a playoff spot. Stable Geniuses have also clinched, and still have a chance to tie for the division crown. Pitch You Blockhead and Rookies each need one win or one loss by Clemente's Bucs in the next two weeks to clinch.
On the Vladimir Guerrero side, Fasano Don't Dance and Arbitration Losers are tied atop the division and have both clinched playoff berths. Misfits are one game back, and Project Mayhem and BodySuit Man are tied for fourth. Misfits need a win or a PM/BM loss to clinch. And then there will only be room one of PM/BM, meaning that the team that's fourth in points is in danger of missing the postseason.
The trade season has already shaken things up, with Manny Machado, Cole Hamels, Mike Moustakas and Eduardo Escobar joining the fray, and chances of more good players joining the league shortly.
The scoreboard
1. Fresh Fish** (3048.8 points, 10-6, last week 1): Our leaders kept a death-grip on the top of the standings, outscoring Project Mayhem in a high-scoring affair behind a powerful offense and a couple of stud pitchers. We'll start with Patrick Corbin (30 in 2 starts). In 2016, Patty was so brutally bad (5-13, 5.15 ERA, 1.561 WHIP) that the Diamondbacks - the team eternally in need of ambulatory specimens to start baseball games on the mound - put his worthless butt in the bullpen to make room for more starts by Shelby Miller (3-12, 6.15 ERA), Archie Bradley (8-9, 5.02), Braden Shipley (4-5, 5.27), Rubby De La Rosa (4-5, 4.26) and Zach Godley (5-4, 6.39). It's amazing that team lost 93 games (rolls eyes). Anyway, Corbin this year is 7-4 with a 3.26 ERA, 166 Ks in 135.1 innings and a WHIP just over 1. Couple that with Kenta Maeda (10) - who as recently as last postseason was also in the bullpen - and, of course, Herr Scherzer (24), and this rotation is obnoxiously good. And then there's the offense, which put up 139 on the strength of 9 homers, 17 doubles and 32 RBIs. Maikel Franco (24) had 4 homers and 5 RBIs, which, LOL. Wil Myers (21), Scooter Gennett (20.5), Carlos Gonzalez (19.5), Buster Posey (18.5) and Javier Baez (18) round out the terrifyingly balanced and potent attack. The rest of us can only hope some of these guys run out of steam as we approach the postseason.
 |
| "We're here to sign with the Stable Geniuses." |
2. Stable Geniuses** (2986.5 points, 8-8, last week 2): Matt's bunch was a strike away from pulling off the comeback win and taking down the Fasanos, before Chris Taylor broke up Sean Newcomb's no-hitter with 2 outs in the ninth. Newcomb still managed 35.7 points in 2 starts, but with the no-hitter bonus it could have been epic. The rest of Matt's pitching didn't do much, as Ross Stripling allowed 9 runs in 2 starts before getting hurt, and Tyler Anderson and Dereck "Li'l Pudge" Rodriguez each had decent no-decisions. Brad Boxberger blew a save spectacularly before getting back into positive numbers, at least. On the hitting side, Trea Turner (hey, Matt, did you mean to have all the racist tweeters on your team, or was that just a happy accident?) led the way with 19 points, but some of the big boppers were silent. Jesus Aguilar (8), Cody Bellinger (4) and Kyle Schwarber (1.5) didn't do much to help the cause. Two-thirds of the team's Phillies contingent chipped in, with Odubel Herrera putting up 17 and Jorge Alfaro 16. Scott Kingery (0) spent the week chained in the team's dungeon. The playoffs are a lock for SG, and they're among the teams fighting for the points crown.
3. Fasano Don't Dance** (2982.3 points, 10-6, last week 3): The commissioners won because of... hitting? (checks notes) Yeah, it says here the offense put up 120.5 in a narrow win over Stable Geniuses. The pitching staff allowed 14 runs and struck out 37 in 34.1 innings (a 3.70 staff ERA) and got an 0-3 record to show for it. Jacob deGrom went 0-2 despite a pair of quality starts, because of course he did. The Mets couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat, and if they did, they'd immediately catch leprosy or something. What a joke of an embarrassment of a "franchise." The offense had a big week without a standout star, as Chris Taylor's 19.5 led the way. Steady Nick Markakis (19), Smooth Carlos Santana (16.5) and Wunderkind Ronald Acuna Jr. (16) each did their part as seven different players hit a single home run each. With a playoff spot wrapped up, the commishes are chasing the points lead and hoping to see their pitching staff all healthy heading to the postseason.
 |
| "I think we should sign Ian Happ." |
4. Project Mayhem (2962.5 points, 7-9, last week 4): Poor Bill ran into the buzzsaw that is Fresh Fish, but despite the high-scoring loss, closed ground on the points leaders. Zach Wheeler (31 in 2 starts) is doing everything he can to get traded out of New York - maybe he should try dragging a Mets World Series trophy around the parking lot behind his car. Of course, he'd have to be able to find one... it's likely the Wilpons have pawned any precious metals they can find to pay Bobby Bonilla's contract. Kyle Freeland (16) also pitched well, but ace Aaron Nola (7) had an off-week and Tyler Mahle (1) was just bad. Offensively, PM punched 11 homers, led by 3 from young star Juan Soto (23). Nolan Arenado (14.5), Austin Hedges (13.5) and Marcell Ozuna (19.5) hit two apiece, and Ben Zobrist (16.5) had a big week too. As former riders on the Ian Happ Experience, we can only commiserate and nod sagely that that Happ's 3 points did little to help the cause. Join us at the Elks Lodge on Thursdays where we drink to forget Happ. As noted, Bill is still fighting for a playoff spot, and none of us who are already in the playoffs can honestly say we're really rooting for him, given the numbers his squad keeps putting up.
5. Arbitration Losers** (2906.5 points, 10-6, last week 5): We'll be gentle and say it "wasn't a great week" for Tim's pitching in the loss to the Rookies. Julio Teheran put up a -2.7, and Johnny Cueto notched a -3 (managing not to strike out a single batter in 4 innings) and now is on the shelf and may be headed for Tommy John surgery. Andrew "Southpaw" Suarez led the way with 14.7 in 2 starts, and the staff as a total scored just 29.7. This week, at least, Tim can add new Cub Cole Hamels to the mix as he hopes his pitching can get back on track. Before we continue, we need to discuss how bad Tim's injury luck has been this year. Every team can bitch about injuries, but holy cow, look at the AL disabled list right now: Corey Dickerson, DJ LeMahieu, Justin Turner, Corey Seager (out for year), Cueto, Adam Wainwright, Michael Wacha, Arodys Vizcaino. That's half an offense and nearly a whole pitching staff. So the fact that his team is in contention and competing at all is amazing. Tim's hitters were pretty good last week, led by JT Realmuto (22.5), Bryce Harper (19.5) and AJ Pollock (18.5). Even with the injuries, this team can hit. Who will be healthy for the playoffs? That will go a long way to determining postseason success.
 |
| "Please take us with you to Philadelphia!" |
6. Pitch You Blockhead (2895.5 points, 7-9, last week 6): Scott's bunch came up just short in the narrow loss to the Misfits despite cracking 11 homers on the week. Yasmani Grandal (22.5) hit 4 of those, but he didn't feel like hitting them with anyone on base (6 RBIs). Anthony Rizzo (19.5) had 3 bombs and 5 RBIs, so maybe it's a PYB team philosophy? Asdrubal Cabrera (14.5) had a nice week made even nicer by getting the hell away from the Mets. Rich Hill (20) was amazing against the Braves, and Alex Wood (15.7) was also really good. Corey Knebel (11.3) notched a pair of saves. With Hill, Wood, Mike Foltynewicz and Miles Mikolas, this is a sneaky-good pitching staff. When the offense is going well (i.e. when Charlie Blackmon and Ian Desmond get a bunch of home games) this will be a tough out in the playoffs, should PYB survive and advance.
 |
| Christian Yelich, or a baked potato with a mouth? |
7. The Misfits (2850.7 points, 9-7, last week 7): Reid's offense went ballistic in the narrow win against PYB, led by stud of the week Christian Yelich. Yelich (41.5) had 3 homers, a triple, 3 doubles, 8 singles, 8 runs and 10 RBIs last week, which really makes you contemplate what you accomplished last week and feel very inadequate. Gregory Polanco (26) and Yadier Molina (22) also had big weeks as Reid's offense put up 131 points. All told, the team had 59 hits, which seems ridiculous. The Misfits pitching staff right now would have been really great in like 2012, with Clayton Kershaw (19.7) the ace of a band of, well, misfits. Aside from Kershaw, you've got Jeremy Hellickson (7.7 in 2 starts), Anibal Sanchez (3.3) and Tyson Ross (4), plus Wade Davis (12.3 despite giving up 5 runs in 4.1 innings). We give Reid a lot of grief for having old dudes on his team, but, you know, sometimes it's justified. The Misfits are a near-lock for the postseason and can bash with the best of them. Can they pitch better than mediocre?
8. The Rookies (2768.5 points, 7-9, last week 8): It's been a while since we've noticed a team's pitching staff putting up a 100-point week, but the Rookies did just that in a big win over the Arbitration Losers. What's amazing is how they did it: 35.7 point from Jhoulys Chacin? 28 from Trevor Williams? Well, OK. Those two each notched a pair of wins, and Zack Greinke (17) did as well in his lone start. Gio Gonzalez (12.7 in 2 starts) was the only starter to not excel. Even Felipe "Vazquez" earned a win. All told: 46.2 innings, 40 Ks, 10 earned runs, 6-1 record for the staff. That'll fly. The offense didn't do a lot, with Eugenio Suarez (26.5) putting up more than a quarter of the hitting points (93). Suarez had 5 homers and 9 RBIs, but the whole team only managed 7 and 20. Ozzie Albies (2) missed some time and didn't do much, and even Freddie Freeman (14.5) had a down-for-him week. It didn't matter with the excellent pitching, but for the Rookies to make the postseason and do any damage, some other hitters will have to step up.
 |
If we told you Jake Lamb was Husky trash,
would you be even a little surprised? |
9. BodySuit Man (2694.7 points, 7-9, last week 9): If I gave you a list of Adam's players and said his team hit two homers last week, how long until you guessed that the homers were by Starlin Castro and Paul DeJong? Sorry, Willson Contreras, Joey Votto, Ryan Braun, Jose Martinez, Jake Lamb, Steven Souza and Jose Bautista, but your home run totals last week were exactly the same as mine, which might explain the big loss to the Bucs. Votto had 8 singles and 8 walks, so there's that. He also led the team with 17 points for the week, which isn't ideal. Mike Moustakas is now on board, which gives the team some added power, but given the way BM's luck has gone, Moustakas will be rolling ground balls to second base (aka the "Denard Span") for the rest of the season. Jake Arrieta (15) and Jon Gray (12) pitched really well, but Freddy Peralta (3), Zach Eflin (3) and Kelvin Herrera (2.3, Nats Curse) did not. Adam's bunch is still fighting for a playoff spot, but do any of his players actually want to be there?
 |
| Ray is happy to see Manny in the NL, too. |
10. Clemente's Bucs (2679.3 points, 5-11, last week 10): It's a shame that we most likely won't see this team in the postseason, because the triumvirate of Rhys Hoskins (35), Paul Goldschmidt (26.5) and Manny Machado (17.5) are enough to make any opponent sweat. And that's not even counting Kris Bryant, who should be back soon! Anyway, it all crashed together last week for Ray's bunch in a whoopin' of BodySuit Man. Besides the aforementioned trio, Adam Eaton (16.5) and Brandon Nimmo (13) had nice offensive weeks, and Ray went and added Eduardo Escobar to make the team even more dangerous. The pitching was amazingly solid, led by two-starters Luis Castillo (30.3) and Kyle Hendricks (25). Kenley Jansen (16) and Chase Anderson (13) scored big too, leaving lefty Jose Quintana (-4) as the only blemish. Can Ray's bunch escape the basement and wreak havoc in the last weeks of the season?
** - clinched playoff spot
Hitting leaders after Week 16
1. Nolan Arenado (PM) 333
2. Freddie Freeman (R) 328
3. Manny Machado (CB) 321
4. Javier Baez (FF) 230
5. Nick Markakis (FDD) 318
Pitching leaders after Week 16
1. Max Scherzer (FF) 365.7
2. Aaron Nola (PM) 298
3. Jacob deGrom (FDD) 281.3
4. Zack Greinke (R) 279.7
5. Patrick Corbin (FF) 275.3
 |
| Matt has ordered 20 of these to distribute to his players. |
