Week 1: Friday Roundup

The AT&T Park grounds crew removes Pablo Sandoval's boob sweat from the playing surface. 

This is the only known
photo of Gen. J. Dansby
Swanson.

STUDS: Retired Confederate general Dansby Swanson (PYB) was a homer short of the cycle, drove in 3 and scored a run. Corey Dickerson (AL) went 3 for 4 with 2 doubles, 2 runs and 2 RBIs. Carlos Gonzalez (FF) homered and had an RBI single.

DUDS: German Marquez (PM) lost the war against the Braves — that's right, a World War II joke — by getting tagged for 7 runs with 2 Ks in a 4.2-inning loss. Adam Duvall (FDD) went 0 for 3 with a walk and an error as his slash line fell to an unusual .150/.182/.500.

ODDS AND ENDS: Kyle Schwarber (SG) went 0 for 4 with 4 Ks and still put up 1.5 points by walking and scoring. The Giants-Dodgers game was postponed because the Los Angeles offense didn't bother to show up. Or was it the San Francisco offense? Aw, who cares — both these teams are playing like crap.

Week 1: Thursday Roundup

As usual, America shows Canada who runs the show. 

Hey, Maikel. How many oxygen tanks did you need
after legging out that triple today? 

STUDS: Robbie Ray (FDD) unsurprisingly walked 5 but allowed only 2 hits and struck out 9 in a 6-inning win. Jon Lester (AL) didn't allow a run and fanned 6 in 6 shutout innings at Milwaukee. Jay Bruce (R) hit a grand slam, doubled and scored twice. He also made an error in classic Mets fashion. Maikel Franco (FF) had a 2-run homer, a triple and a 2-run single. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to us, either.

DUDS: Homer Bailey (PM) struggled in a loss at Pittsburgh, allowing 4 runs, fanning 2 and taking the L in 4.2 innings. Brad Hand (CB) was awful again, walking 3, giving up 1 hit and allowing 3 unearned runs in a 0.2-inning loss. On the bright side, he struck out 2. Yay? Corey Knebel (PYB) pitched in a blowout and allowed 2 runs in 0.2 inning, then had to be helped off the field with what appeared to be a serious hamstring injury. Sorry, Scott. Trea Turner (SG) went 0 for 3 with 3 Ks, then was ejected for arguing. Paul DeJong (BM) went 0 for 4 with 4 Ks and an error. Hey, that's Pedro Alvarez's move!

Week 1: Wednesday Roundup

Patrick Corbin acknowledges the verbal abuse from a fuming FBLG commissioner
after shutting down Rich's beloved Dodgers.

Signing an extension worth more than
$100 million would put us in the mood
to dance, too.

STUDS: Patrick Corbin (FF) dominated the Dodgers, striking out 12 and allowing only 1 hit in a 7.1-inning win. He also singled, doubled and scored; sadly, ESPN still cares not for pitchers with offensive prowess. Jon Gray (BM) was great in San Diego, picking up the win and fanning 7 in 7 shutout innings. Carlos Martinez (SG) cruised in a win at Milwaukee, striking out 10 in 8.1 shutout innings. We didn't have any hitters earn their way into this section today, so we'll just acknowledge Charlie Blackmon's skills on the dance floor. Modest suggestion: The FBLG owner who finishes last in the points this year has to film himself replicating this video and share it with us.

DUDS: Jonathan Villar (SG) had a classic Villar game, going 2 for 4 with 2 Ks and a steal — and 2 errors. The Dodgers went 1 for 28 against the Diamondbacks today, which is head-scratchingly bad.

Week 1: Tuesday Roundup

Somebody named Christian Villanueva hit 3 homers for the Padres today. He drove in 5 and scored 4 runs.

Brian Wilson, best known as a sleeper agent in the Los
Angeles bullpen, goes incognito without a beard to
throw out the first pitch for the Giants. It was lined
into the gap for a bases-clearing double. 

STUDS: Christian Yelich (M) was a triple short of the cycle, scored twice and drove in a pair. More importantly, he tied the game with a 9th-inning homer before Ryan Braun won the game with a homer of his own to show the Cardinals how to lose The Right Way. Tommy Pham (PM) was a triple short of a cycle, scored twice and stole a base. Freddie Freeman (R) had a 3-run homer, an RBI single, 2 walks and 3 runs. Ozzie Albies (R) went 3 for 5 with a double, an RBI and 3 runs.

DUDS: Julio Teheran (AL) stunk against the Nationals, allowing 3 homers and 5 runs while fanning 2 in 2.1 innings. He didn't even take the loss because Washington's A.J. Cole was a complete disaster. Cole allowed 10 hits and walked 3 in a 3.1-inning loss. Coincidentally, he's available in FBLG. Jorge Alfaro (SG) went 0 for 3 with 3 Ks.

RAINOUT: The Cubs and Reds didn't even bother to try. They'll play a doubleheader later in the season.

Week 1: Monday Roundup

The Rockies were jumping for joy when they saw the Padres were sending Bryan Mitchell to the mound.

STUDS: Jameson Taillon (PM) struck out 9 and allowed 2 runs in a 5.1-inning win. Paul DeJong (BM) continued to roll, with a homer, 2 singles, 2 runs and 3 RBIs. Tanner Roark (SG) had 6 Ks and allowed only 1 run in a 7-inning win. Bryce Harper (AL) had a homer, 3 RBIs, 3 runs and 4 walks. Yasmani Grandal (PYB) was a triple shy of the cycle, walked twice, scored twice and drove in 2. Charlie Blackmon (PYB) homered, doubled twice and scored twice. Ian Desmond (PYB) homered, doubled and drove in 3.

DUDS: Kenley Jansen (SG), who is probably washed up and will never be good again, allowed a 3-run bomb to blow a save. Kris Bryant (CB) walked and made a hilarious error. "Don't give me that olé bullshit," said Cubs manager Lou Brown.

TODAY IN MOTIVATIONAL GIFS: Edwin Encarnacion hit an inside-the-park home run. Nothing is impossible. Reach for the sky! And remember: you, too, can achieve anything, just as long as you have a Justin Upton-esque enabler:

We interrupt this coverage of the National Championship to tell you that EDWIN ENCARNACION HIT AN INSIDE-THE-PARK HOME RUN pic.twitter.com/yqnsg0kvvG

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) April 3, 2018

Week 1: First Sunday Roundup

Paul DeJong's power-packed rookie season might not have been a fluke. 

David Robertson presents our GIF of the Day. 

STUDS: Rich Hill (PYB) didn't allow a run and struck out 5 in a 6-inning win against the Giants. He even kept Joe Panik in the yard! Bryce Harper (AL) and Paul DeJong (BM) each hit a pair of solo homers and walked. Josh Harrison (M) did nothing in the first game of a doubleheader, then went off in game 2, finishing a triple short of a cycle, driving in 2 and scoring twice. Felipe Rivero (R) picked up saves in both games against Detroit, striking out 5 in 2 scoreless innings. Gio Gonzalez (R) fanned 7 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win.

DUDS: Jose Quintana (CB) allowed 6 runs and struck out 2 in a 6-inning loss. What's the deal with Cubs pitchers being lame against the Marlins? Also, Giants hitters other than Panik earn a spot on this list for producing zero runs in the team's first four games of the season.

Week 1: First Saturday Roundup

With Christian Yelich in the outfield, the future is bright in Miami. Oh, wait...

Gabe Kapler has made 18 pitching changes 
in 27.2 innings this season. 

STUDS: Kenta Maeda (FF) went nuts against the Giants, striking out 10 and not allowing a run in a 5-inning win. Stephen Strasburg (FDD) struck out 7 and allowed 3 runs — 1 earned — in a 6.1-inning win. Jacob deGrom (FDD) fanned 7 and allowed 1 run in a 5.2-inning win. It was a great day for hitters, too. Adam Eaton (CB) went nuts against the Reds' sorry excuse of a pitching staff, going 5 for 5 with a homer, 2 doubles, 4 runs and 3 RBIs. Not to be outdone, Christian Yelich (M) went 5 for 5 with a double, 3 runs and 2 RBIs. Lorenzo Cain (M) went 3 for 4 with a steal, a double, a run and 2 RBIs. Ender Inciarte (BM) went 3 for 6 with a run and 4 RBIs. Kyle Schwarber (SG) hit a 2-run homer, doubled and scored twice. Charlie Blackmon (PYB) accounted for all of Colorado's offense in a 2-1 win by hitting a pair of solo homers.

DUDS: Michael Wacha (AL) allowed 4 runs and struck out 2 in a 4.2-inning loss. Phillies manager Gabe Kapler pulled his ace way too early in the season opener and has burned up his bullpen, used a position player to pitch, not started his opening-day No. 3 hitter since opening day, brought in a relief pitcher who hadn't warmed up and really ticked off the City of Brotherly Love. It could be a long season for anyone with Phillies on their team.

Week 1: First Friday Roundup

Gregory Polanco was unable to impress these Detroit fans, who still think Placido Polanco was the best Polanco.

Like our commissioner* said yesterday, we're likely going to mess around with the blog this year. ESPN still isn't factoring errors into the scoring until the next day, which complicates things for us. But we'll see what we can do.

*Yes, Rich and I are technically "co-commissioners," but we all know Rich does all the heavy lifting while I eat Cheez-Its and cheat at Sudoku. We're like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

STUDS: Max Scherzer (FF) shut down the Reds, striking out 10 and earning the win in 6 shutout innings. Alex Wood (PYB) flirted with a no-hitter and fanned 5 in 8 shutout innings. Johnny Cueto (AL) also flirted with a no-hitter and struck out 4 in 7 shutout innings. Lorenzo Cain (M) doubled twice, scored twice, stole a base and scored. Gregory Polanco (M) was phenomenal in the Pirates' 13-10 win. He was a triple short of a cycle, scored 3 runs, drove in 4, walked and stole a base. A.J. Pollock (AL) tripled, doubled, scored twice, drove in 2 and stole a base. Ryan Braun (BM) hit a 3-run, game-winning homer and had an RBI groundout and a sac fly.

Yes, Joe. We still think you're boring. 

DUDS: It was a terrible day to be a closer, folks. Brad Hand (CB) was more like Bad Hand, allowing 5 runs — only 2 earned because of his own error — blowing the save and taking the loss. The knockout punch was the 3-run homer by Braun. Felipe Rivero (R) also was terrible, allowing 4 runs and striking out 1 in 0.2 inning. He managed to avoid taking the loss, though. Kenley Jansen (SB) got 2 outs before serving up the game-winning homer to Joe Panik.

ARE YOU KIDDING? The Cubs' and Marlins' starting pitchers — Kyle Hendricks (CB) and Caleb Smith — pitched 6 and 5.1 innings, respectively. Eddie Butler pitched 7 innings of relief for Chicago, and Jarlin Garcia went 6 in relief for Miami. Go figure. Robbie Ray (FDD) allowed 7 runs — 6 earned — and still picked up the win. Noodle-bat shortstop Nick Ahmed went 3 for 4 with a homer and 5 RBIs. The Giants have scored 2 runs this year and are 2-0, thanks to a pair of solo homers by Panik — who hit them off Jansen and Clayton Kershaw (M). 

Week 1: Opening Day Roundup

One of baseball's best pitchers, or a member of the Spin Doctors?

And we're back! We'll likely mess around with the format a bit this year on the blog, so stay tuned to see what we come up with. For opening day, though, the classic format.

STUDS: Jake Lamb (FDD) singled, doubled and drove in 4. Noah Syndergaard (BM) surrendered 4 runs - including a homer by Yadi Molina - but struck out 10 for a 6-inning win. Freddie Freeman (R) homered, walked 3 times, drove in a pair of runs and scored thrice. David Peralta (R) had 3 singles, a steal, an RBI and 2 runs. Rhys Hoskins (CB) had 2 doubles, a run, an RBI and a steal.

DUDS: Cardinals and Project Mayhem teammates Tommy Pham and Marcell Ozuna combined to go 0-8 with 6 Ks. Carlos Martinez (SG) walked an impressive 6 Mets (METS!) in a 4.1-inning loss. He struck out 5 and allowed 4 runs. Hector Neris (AL) barfed all over himself, allowing a 3-run walk-off homer after giving up a hit to Charlie Culberson. Corey Knebel (PYB) blew a save by giving up a hit to Freddy Galvis. Not a banner day for closers.

GIF OF THE DAY: Ian Happ hitting the season's first pitch out of the ballpark and directly into Derek Jeter's soul.

This GIF of Ian Happ's HR swing hitting Wallach in the face sums up the Marlins season on just the first pitch of the year. pic.twitter.com/GkkEVdoROF

— Pitcher List (@PitcherList) March 29, 2018

Opening Day!

We here at FBLG blog headquarters are bubbling with excitement about the 2018 season. Here's to another six months of camaraderie and fun. Enjoy, everyone!