Week 15: Bonus Friday Roundup

On May 15, Matt Carpenter was hitting .140 with 3 homers. Now he's hitting .274 with 23 long balls.

Another guy with terrible hair? The Giants certainly
have a type, don't they?

SUPER STUD: Matt Carpenter (AL) posted 21 points for the Cardinals with 5 extra-base hits in the first 6 innings of a blowout win against the Cubs. Carpenter hit 3 homers and 2 doubles, scored 4 runs and drove in 7. Too bad St. Louis "management" didn't leave him in the game to hit against the 3 position players the Cubs put on the mound to pitch the final 3 innings.

STUDS: Ronald Acuna (FDD) was a triple shy of a cycle, stole 2 bases, walked and scored 3 runs. A.J. Pollock (AL) went 5 for 5 with a double, 3 runs, a steal and an RBI. Naturally, the Diamondbacks lost anyway. Dereck Rodriguez (SG) struck out 5 and allowed 1 run in a 6.1-inning win. Starling Marte (SG) hit a grand slam and doubled. Nolan Arenado (PM) homered twice, singled, drove in 4 and scored 3 runs. Tommy Pham (PM) had 3 singles, 3 RBIs and 3 runs. Jameson Taillon (PM) struck out 6 and allowed 1 run in a 5.1-inning win. Rich Hill (PYB) struck out 9, allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win and managed to avoid injury. Christian Yelich (M) tripled, doubled twice, drove in 3 and stole a base. Anibal Sanchez (M) struck out 8 and allowed 3 runs in a 6-inning win.

DUDS: Jon Lester (AL) got shellacked by the Cubs, allowing 8 runs and striking out 1 in a 3-inning loss. Austin Hedges (PM) singled and committed another error. Tyler Mahle (PM) struck out 3 and allowed 6 runs in a 5.2-inning loss. Clayton Richard (PYB) served up 7 runs and fanned 3 in a 3-inning loss.

Week 15: Bonus Thursday Roundup

Carlos Martinez? A dud today. Paul DeJong? A dud every day on defense. Kolten Wong? A career dud. Yadier Molina? I think you know how we feel about him at FBLG headquarters.

The NL had only 1 game today, so this will be a short roundup. On the bright side, the game included the Cardinals. That means Rich's dander is up about something.

STUD: Jason Heyward (FDD) went 3 for 5 with 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a steal.

DUDS: Carlos Martinez (FDD) got roughed up by the Cubs and didn't get any help from the National League's worst defense. Martinez allowed 6 runs — 5 earned — and struck out 2 in a 5-inning loss. "Shortstop" Paul DeJong (BM) doubled and scored, but he committed 2 of the Cardinals' 3 errors.

FBLG All-Star Edition

Mike Matheny played for the Cardinals and Giants, and managed the Cardinals.
There was literally no chance I wouldn't get in some parting shots after his firing.

With basically four days of no baseball, we'll take a look at the top performers in FBLG at the all-star break. For a bonus this year, we got newly jobless pud Mike Matheny and his top lieutenant Bud Norris to offer their scouting report on the league's top performers.

Former all-state quarterback J.T. Realmuto (center) back in the days
when he could dream about playing for a championship.

CATCHER: J.T. Realmuto (Arbitration Losers)
Slash line: .310/.365/.536... 12 homers, 20 doubles, 3 triples, 17 walks, 45 RBIs, 46 runs.

213.5 points at 3.1/game.

The Budtheny Report: "This is a friggin' outrage. There are no other catchers in the league besides St. Yadier Molina. We won't even dignify this turd with a scouting report."

Honorable mention: Buster Posey (FF) 195.5, Yasmani Grandal (PYB) 193

Next time try this, Freddie.

FIRST BASE: Freddie Freeman (Rookies)
Slash line: ..315/.405/.533... 16 homers, 25 doubles, 3 triples, 53 walks, 61 RBIs, 59 runs. 

301.5 points at 3.2/game.

The Budtheny Report: "Dude looks like he's 19 and grew a crappy beard so he'll stop getting carded at the liquor store. He needs to step up and grow facial hair the right way."

Honorable mention: Paul Goldschmidt (CB) 284, Joey Votto (BM) 265.5

SECOND BASE: Ozzie Albies (Rookies)

Slash line: ..281/.318/.516... 20 homers, 29 doubles, 3 triples, 19 walks, 55 RBIs, 74 runs. 

301.5 points at 3.2/game.

The Budtheny Report: "Sorry, kid. You may think you're pretty hot stuff, but there's only one player in history worthy of the name Ozzie and we haven't seen you do a backflip on the field, so it ain't you."

Honorable mention: Scooter Gennett (FF) 272, Cesar Hernandez (CB) 243.5

THIRD BASE: Nolan Arenado (Project Mayhem)
Slash line: .312/.395/.586... 23 homers, 21 doubles, 2 triples, 49 walks, 68 RBIs, 63 runs.

297.5 points at 3.3/game.

The Budtheny Report: "A guy who plays half his games in Coors Field? Please. If this guy had to play in a real ballpark named after a real beer like Busch Stadium, he'd be just another joker."

Honorable mention: Brian Anderson (FDD) 256.5, Eugenio Suarez (R) 249

Ahhhhhhhh it burns! Look at all that showboating.

SHORTSTOP: Javier Baez (Fresh Fish)
Slash line: .292/.326/.566... 19 homers, 25 doubles, 6 triples, 14 walks, 72 RBIs, 61 runs.

292 points at 3.2/game.

The Budtheny Report: "No offense, but this guy is everything that is wrong about baseball. The violent swings. The wild throws. The crazy tags. The exuberance. The emotion. The Cubs. He should be banned from baseball and, if possible, deported."

Honorable mention: Trevor Story (M) 291.5, Trea Turner (SG) 246

Another Greek with no power or speed.

OUTFIELD: Nick Markakis (Fasano Don't Dance)
Slash line: .323/.389/.488...10 homers, 29 doubles, 1 triples, 42 walks, 61 RBIs, 55 runs.

296 points at 3.1/game.

The Budtheny Report: "He's an outfielder who doesn't hit homers and doesn't steal bases. Pardon us if we don't get real excited about some Greek dude hitting a bunch of singles."

OUTFIELD: Charlie Blackmon (Pitch You Blockhead!)
Slash line: .287/.355/.497... 19 homers, 12 doubles, 4 triples, 35 walks, 45 RBIs, 73 runs.

281.5 points at 3.1/game.

The Budtheny Report: "Another Coors Field creation, and this one has a beard that says 'I brew beer in the offseason, and I would love to tell you about it for the next two hours.' Plus, have you ever seen him bunt? Fast outfielders should bunt. Such a waste."

Won't someone please think of the children?

OUTFIELD: Bryce Harper (Arbitration Losers)
Slash line: .214/.365/.468... 23 homers, 14 doubles, 0 triples, 78 walks, 54 RBIs, 57 runs.

257 points at 2.7/game.

The Budtheny Report: "Please. Hitting .214 with 100 strikeouts? We got pitchers with better numbers than that. Plus, did you see that ridiculous bandana at the Home Run Derby? That kind of innocuous fun has no place in this serious sport."

Honorable mention: Cody Bellinger (SG) 256, Starling Marte (SG) 252.5, David Peralta (R) 250.5

STARTING PITCHER: Max Scherzer (Fresh Fish)

12-5, 2.41 ERA, 182 strikeouts in 134.2 innings, 0.90 WHIP

325.7 points at 16.3/start

The Budtheny Report: "If you want to trust a German whose eyes aren't even the same color, then that's up to you. Us, we'll stick with our kind, thank you very much. Plus, we saw him pump his fist and scream in exuberance once, and that didn't sit well. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."

Just try to find one of these in Philly.

STARTING PITCHER: Aaron Nola (Project Mayhem)

12-3, 2.30 ERA, 131 strikeouts in 129 innings, 0.98 WHIP

278 points at 13.9/start

The Budtheny Report: "He's tainted by his association to that wack job Gabe Kapler, who is almost as everything that's wrong with baseball as Javy Baez. You also can't trust anything about Philly. They claim to be the birthplace of this great country... they don't even have an arch! Nola pitches fine, we guess. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."

STARTING PITCHER: Jacob deGrom (Fasano Don't Dance)

5-4, 1.68 ERA, 149 strikeouts in 123.1 innings, 0.97 WHIP

262.3 points at 13.8/start

The Budtheny Report: "Obviously, it's the pitcher's job to get wins, and to only have five and be an all-star is shameful. Who's voting for this crap, anyway? Trying to keep your ERA down at the cost of your team winning is just selfish. That's bad baseball. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."

STARTING PITCHER: Patrick Corbin (Fresh Fish)

6-4, 3.24 ERA, 149 strikeouts in 122.1 innings, 1.05 WHIP

245.3 points at 13.8/start

The Budtheny Report: "Another selfish pitcher, racking up numbers but not wins. Plus, this guy is left-handed. If you've ever seen a Cardinals pitching staff, you know what we think of lefties. Quick, name the last lefty starter you saw pitch in front of the Best Fans in Baseball. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."

Honorable mention: Zack Greinke (R) 237.7, Jon Lester (AL) 221.7, Ross Stripling (SG) 215.3

See? Former Pirate reliever Felipe Rivero.

RELIEF PITCHER: Felipe "Vazquez" (Rookies)

3-2, 3.05 ERA, 57 strikeouts in 41.1 innings, 1.28 WHIP

158.3 points at 3.7/appearance

The Budtheny Report: "Honestly had never heard of this guy before this season, which seems strange because Pittsburgh is in our division. They used to have this guy Rivero who was pretty good. We guess all lefty relievers kinda look alike. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every single day."

Honorable mention: Brad Hand (CB) 159.3, Josh Hader (FDD) 157

So there you have it. Special thanks to Mike and Bud for their thoughtful, reasoned analysis. We're sure Mike will be working for Fox this postseason and imparting all his baseball wisdom on us whether we like it or not.

Enjoy the all-star break, and we'll get it going again in a couple days.

Week 15: Sunday Roundup

This ball thrown by Austin Hedges could be headed literally anywhere. 

The Mets turned Jeremy Hellickson into a Stud. Honestly,
can't the league revoke their charter or something?

STUDS: Brian Anderson (FDD) was a triple short of a cycle, scored twice and drove in 3. Corey Dickerson (AL) hit a 2-run homer, doubled and scored twice. Julio Teheran (AL) struck out 6 and allowed 1 run in a 6.1-inning win. Jeremy Hellickson (M) struck out 6 Mets and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. 

DUDS: Austin Hedges (PM) made a great first impression after replacing the concussed Francisco Cervelli in Bill's lineup. Hedges went 0 for 4 with a pair of throwing errors. Corey Knebel (PYB) allowed 2 runs in 1.1 innings to blow a save. Lorenzo Cain (M) went 0 for 5 and was caught stealing. Carlos Santana (FDD) went 0 for 4 and made his 7th error of the year. I guess he's not Smooth after all. Billy Hamilton (PYB) went 0 for 4 with an error, as well. 

Week 15: Saturday Roundup

Inspired by a desire to pitch for a team that isn't the LOLMets, trade bait Zack Wheeler has been pretty good lately. 

In June 2017, Joe Sheehan ranked Mike Matheny below Dusty Baker,
Terry Collins and Mike Scioscia in tactical and strategic ability. Ouch.

STUDS: Javier Baez (FF) homered, doubled and drove in 5. Jose Peraza (SG) went 5 for 6 with 2 RBIs and a run. In a doubleheader, Starling Marte (SG) homered twice, doubled and scored 3 runs. Gregory Polanco (M) also homered twice in the doubleheader; he tacked on a walk. Felipe "Vazquez" picked up a pair of saves with 2 Ks in 1.1 innings. Zack Wheeler (PM) made Jacob deGrom jealous by allowing 4 runs and winning anyway. Wheeler struck out 7 in 7.2 innings. Zack Greinke (R) struck out 7 and earned the win with 7.2 shutout innings.

DUDS: Maikel Franco (FF) walked and erred. Also, Cardinals manager Mike Matheny got canned, which makes him an honorary Dud.

Week 15: Friday Roundup

Carlos Gonzalez has always been one of this blog's favorite players.

STUDS: Carlos Gonzalez (FF) went 3 for 3 with 2 walks, a double and 3 runs. Josh Bell (PM) went 4 for 4 with a triple, a double, a run and 2 RBIs. Trevor Story (M) homered, doubled and drove in 4. Jake Arrieta (BM) struck out 3 and got the win in 7 shutout innings. Madison Bumgarner (R) struck out 5 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. Eugenio Suarez (R) doubled 3 times and scored twice.

DUDS: Ender Inciarte (BM) went 0 for 4 with an error. Lorenzo Cain (M) singled and erred.

Billy likes to rob homers, Miss Lippy's car is green.#TipOfTheCap pic.twitter.com/KKTLvhCxM6

— MLB (@MLB) July 14, 2018

Week 15: Thursday Roundup

The Pirates wore ridiculous white-and-green uniforms on Thursday, so we'll show you what Jameson Taillon looks like wearing a good-looking Pittsburgh uniform. 

Speaking of good-looking threads,
Andre Dawson and his classic 'stache
are here to steal your woman.

STUDS: Jameson Taillon (PM) struck out a career-high 10 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning win. Anthony Rendon (PYB) was a 1-man wrecking crew against the Mets (lol), homering twice, singling, driving in 3 and scoring 3 runs. Nick Pivetta (FDD) seemed like a lock to make this list because he was facing the Orioles. Sure enough, Pivetta struck out 7 and allowed 3 runs in a 6.2-inning win. Jorge Alfaro (SG) also took advantage of the hapless O's, falling a triple short of a cycle, scoring twice and driving in 3. Ross Stripling (SG) struck out 5 and got the win in 6 shutout innings.

DUDS: None.

Week 15: Wednesday Roundup

Alex Avila (hairy) and Daniel Descalso (hairiest) combined for 4.2 innings on the mound, allowing 3 runs on 6 baserunners,

STUDS: It was a great day to have a Rockie in your lineup, as the Diamondbacks used postion players to pitch the last 4.2 innings (!) of a 19-2 loss: Charlie Blackmon (PYB) homered, singled twice, scored 4 runs and drove in 3. Ian Desmond (PYB) homered, singled twice and drove in 5. DJ LeMahieu (AL) doubled twice, singled, walked and scored 4 runs. Elsewhere, Kenta Maeda (FF) continued his strikeout roll, notching 9 and allowing 1 run in a 5.2-inning win. Newly voted-in all-star Jesus Aguilar (SG) doubled twice, singled, walked and drove in 3. Ozzie Albies (R) homered twice and drove in 4 runs.

This is Lou Trivino. Or is it?

STUD DESPITE BEING A MET: Jacob deGrom (FDD) continued to slowly turn into a darker version of Bill Murray from Groundhog Day, reliving the same horror every five days or so: this time, he threw 8 shutout innings with 7 Ks and earned himself another no-decision because Mets. deGrom, who has been almost unquestionably the best pitcher in the NL (at least - his 6.0 WAR leads all pitchers in MLB), takes a lofty 5-4 record into the all-star break. Among pitchers with more wins than deGrom so far: Hector Velazquez, Mike Minor, Jeremy Jeffress, Robert Gsellman (MET VULTURE!), Ty Blach, Lou Trivino, Chris Stratton and, of course, Charlie Freakin' Morton.

DUDS: Yadier Molina singled and erred but dammit he did it THE RIGHT WAY. MLB writers responded by calling an emergency vote and putting him immediately in the Hall of Fame - his ceremony will be this weekend. Don't miss it. Ben Zobrist (PM) singled and erred but did it the wrong way, and has been banned from baseball for life. Joey Votto (BM) singled, walked and erred and was deported back to Canada. Travis Shaw (SG) walked and erred - he escaped unscathed, so far. Tyler Mahle (PM) allowed 5 runs and struck out 1 in a 2.1-inning loss. In fairness to Tyler, he allowed barely a quarter of the runs the Indians scored on the day.

These bat shards are now in the Vatican Museum.

Week 15: Tuesday Roundup

Follow this link to read some great Cardinals schadenfraude, if that's your thing.

STUDS: Dexter Fowler (R) has perhaps his favorite-ever studs performance, telling Cardinals fans and management exactly where to shove it with a homer, single and 4 RBIs. I hate the Cardinals, and yet I'm rooting for Fowler to hit 4 homers every game. Christian Yelich (M) doubled twice, singled, scored and drove in 4. Miles Mikolas (PYB) struck out 6 and allowed 2 runs in a 6-inning win. Maikel Franco (FF) homered, singled and drove in 4.

DUDS: Freddie Freeman (R) makes a rare appearance on this list, walking and making an error. Paul Goldschmidt joins Freeman on the "stars slumming it" list, with a single, walk and error. Bryce Harper (AL) makes it a third top pick on this list, committing an error. Undrafted Johan Camargo (FDD) went 0-fer with an error, which seems more appropriate. And Kyle Schwarber (SG) tried to act skinny but was caught stealing.

Like Trout out of water.

Week 15: Monday Roundup

"I have finished... ALL THE CAKE." 

STUDS: Gregory Polanco (M) homered, singled, walked, scored twice, stole a base and drove in 4. Clayton Kershaw (M) struck out 5 in 6 shutout innings to continue his dominance of the Padres. Kyle Hendricks (CB) struck out 8 and allowed no earned runs in 8.1 innings, failing to get the wins because the Cubs offense pulled a Mets. Aaron Nola (PM) kept rolling, striking out 10 Mets in 7 shutout innings to earn the win.

DUDS: Anthony Rizzo (PYB) bobbled a couple of meatballs, committing 2 errors. Corey "Ebel" Knebel (PYB) allowed the game-losing run in 0.1 innings. Odubel Herrera (SG) committed an error.

NOTABLE: The Phillies and Mets played a doubleheader, and no hitters on either team managed to make the Studs list. Shameful.

NEVER TOO MUCH GIANTS CONTENT:

LISTEN HERE BROTHER! The Ballot Brothers, @Dutch_Oven45 and @hunterpence, have a message for YOU! https://t.co/CQ5fc7nB0G | #BeltTheBallot pic.twitter.com/33xf8GBezj

— #BeltTheBallot (@SFGiants) July 9, 2018

**It is the position of this blog that Brandon Belt is a nincompoop and you should not vote for him. But our job is to entertain and educate, first and foremost.