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| First Kyle Schwarber, now Willson Contreras. The Cubs have clearly cornered the market on catchers who can also kind of play the outfield but can't really catch no matter which position they're playing. |
For the second consecutive week, our rankings remain exactly the same. That's pretty boring, guys. And again, we apologize for the tardiness of The Check Swing. We believe a disgruntled former employee might have slipped this blogger a mickey last night, which led to an unusually early bedtime.
1. Clemente’s Bucs (3273.7 points, 12-5, last week, 1): The losses of Clayton Kershaw and Stephen Strasburg proved costly for Ray in Week 17, as Clemente's Bucs played more like Kevin Young's Bucs. Talk about dark times. Ray's team scored 139.8 points and lost to Bodysuit Man, which is closing the gap between first and second place. Kenley Jansen (11) pitched only 2 innings and still was CB's top-scoring pitcher. Starling Marte (19.5) had a nice week, which means he's probably back on the juice. Matt Adams (2) played more like the Fatt Adams we remember from St. Louis.
2. Bodysuit Man (3209.5 points, 12-5, last week 2): The top 2 teams in FBLG squared off in Week 17, and the result was far from epic. The pitching staffs combined to go 1-5, and ace relievers Wade Davis (BM) and Jansen (CB) notched only 1 save apiece. The win went to Gio Gonzalez (18), who is pitching like it's 2012 again. As usual, Chris Taylor (30.5) and Charlie Blackmon (26.5) went nuts; the rest of the BM lineup did nothing noteworthy. Although Matt Carpenter walking 7 times and getting only 1 hit — a triple — is pretty funny.
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| Let's see. Tim needs a third baseman. And look who's back in the National League! It's a match made in 7-Eleven. |
3. Lawyers Guns and Money (3192.3 points, 12-5, last week 3): The Fightin' Zevons are now tied with CB atop the Mays Division, which has 4 teams with winning records. Try to keep up, Koufax Division. Anyway, Willson Contreras (33.5) was a beast for LGM in a win against PYB. The catcher had 10 hits, including 5 homers, and drove in 13 runs. Of course, he also made an error, which is standard fare for ContrEras. Trevor Story (3.5) kinda stunk, but Joey Votto (26.5) and Corey Knebel (18) made up for it.
4. The Rookies (3116 points, 9-8, last week 4): Henry's team got knocked around by the red-hot Misfits, and there weren't a lot of positives. The vaunted pitching staff went 1-0, and only 2 players scored more than 13.5 points. Max Scherzer (1) left his start early, and Jose Pirela (2) made a pair of errors to shrink his already-low score. Chris Owings (DL) didn't even play. And Jon Lester (20.7) struck out a ton of guys but allowed 6 runs in 10.2 innings in a couple of no-decisions.
5. Pitch! You Blockhead (3057.7 points, 7-10, last week 5): Jeff Samardzija (26.3) picked up 2 wins to pace the Blockheads, who got a goose egg from catcher/infielder/minor leaguer Tony Wolters. Nolan Arenado (24) was the offensive leader despite having one of his worst weeks of the season. Jonathan Villar (1) continues to be one of the worst players in the National League. Jaime Garcia (0.7) of the Braves — whoops, now he's a Twin — oh, wait, now he's a Yankee — posted a score equal to the average speed of his fastball in MPH.
6. Quirkin’ For a Livin’ (2992 points, 7-10, last week 6): Huey's much-maligned pitching staff stepped up in a big way, collecting 73.3 points as every pitcher picked up a win. The offense was much more hit-and-miss, though. Cody Bellinger (22.5) homered 4 times, and Nick Markakis (19.5) keeps scoring points without doing anything particularly well. Brandon Drury (3) homered, which somehow earned him even more time on the bench because wet-noodle-swinging Daniel Descalso — whose batting average has dropped 20 points in the past 2 weeks — is swinging a hotter bat, according to manager and Mensa member Torey Lovullo.
7. Fresh Fish (2905.8 points, 9-8, last week 7): Let's all marvel at Rick's team beating AL with a pitching staff that went 0-5. Patrick Corbin (6) posted a decent number considering that he allowed 10 earned runs in 9 innings and went 0-2. The offense was led by those famous home-run hitters: Hunter Pence (22.5), Daniel Murphy (20.5) and Anthony Rizzo (18.5) hit 2 apiece, and Billy Hamilton (17) somehow hit 1 out.
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| The man on the left (.233/.341/.392) has taken the job of the man on the right (.273/.326/.439), and the commissioners definitely aren't bitter about it at all. |
8. Arbitration Losers (2886.5 points, 8-9, last week 8): The AL pitching staff managed to throw only 22.1 innings, which usually leads to a loss. It sure did for Tim in Week 17. Meanwhile, it's the same old story for Tim's offense: Paul Goldschmidt (31.5) very good; Martin Prado (DL) very lame. The Losers lost to the Fish by 5.2 points, so pretty much any replacement-level third baseman could have pushed AL over the top. Or even a Giants-level third baseman. Speaking of which, there's a bloated corpse in a 6XL San Fran jersey on the waiver wire...
9. Project Mayhem (2810 points, 5-12, last week 9): Bill's club came oh-so-close to ending its lengthy losing streak but was unable to top the commissioners. PM got some impressive pitching — but LOL at the crummy Phillies being unable to get a win for Aaron Nola (16), who went 0-1 despite allowing 4 earned runs in 13 innings. Ryan Zimmerman (6) no longer looks like the Comeback Player of the Millennium, and Jedd Gyorko (4) got 3 hits, none of which went for extra bases. Hey, Kris Bryant (12)! Weren't you supposed to be the top pick in the draft?
10. The Misfits (2695.7 points, 4-13, last week 10): For the third consecutive week, Reid's team posted the most points in FBLG. That's a pretty remarkable feat for a club that opened the year 0-12. Giancarlo Stanton (23.5) blasted 3 more homers and was The Misfits' leading scorer. Every position player reached double digits in points, and Hyun-Jin Ryu (20) had a dominant outing to lead the pitching staff. Look out, Project Mayhem!
