Saturday, June 16, 2018

Week 11: Friday Roundup

You just know Bill has fantasized about punching rogue catchers in the back of the head when he umps behind the plate.
Ian Desmond celebrates being fantasy-relevant
by choking the life out of an unimportant teammate.
STUDS: Nolan Arenado (PM) homered, doubled twice, drove in 3, scored 3 runs and walked. Ian Desmond (PYB) homered twice and singled. Paul Goldschmidt (CB) went 3 for 5 with a homer, 2 RBIs and 2 runs. Ross Stripling (SG) struck out 6 and allowed 2 runs in a 6.1-inning win. The coolest guy around, Chad Kuhl (PYB), struck out 6 and allowed 1 run in a 6-inning victory. Lorenzo Cain (M) doubled, singled, drove in 2, scored twice and stole a base.

DUDS: Jake Arrieta (BM) allowed 8 runs — 4 of them earned — and fanned only 1 in a 3.1-inning loss to Milwaukee. Michael Wacha (AL) allowed 9 runs — 8 earned — and struck out 2 in a 4-inning loss. Yadier Molina (M) singled, walked and erred The Right Way. Josh Bell (PM) singled and erred. Rhys Hoskins (CB) went 0-fer with an error.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Week 11: Thursday Roundup

After homering, Rhys Hoskins returned to his home planet.
Rhys Darby remains this blog's favorite Rhys, though.
STUDS: Scrap-heap find Anibal Sanchez (M) shut down the Padres — because who doesn't? Sanchez struck out 6 and didn't allow a run in a 7-inning win. Andrew McCutchen (FF) went 3 for 7 with a 2-run homer and 2 runs scored. Rhys Hoskins (CB) was a triple short of a cycle, drove in 3 and scored twice. David Peralta (R) hit a pair of solo homers against the rotting corpse of the Mets.

DUDS: The Mets continue to embarrass themselves, the city of New York and, quite frankly, America. They managed 4 hits at Arizona, and 3 of them were solo homers. Naturally, they lost anyway.

Week 11: Wednesday Roundup

That sweet swing reminds many in baseball of co-commissioner Deka, who used to hit 'em like that in Little League.
STUDS: Juan Soto - who was born in 1998 - had 2 homers and 4 RBIs and, since he did it at Yankee Stadium, it became a whole thing. It counts double there, or something. Trevor Story (M) doubled twice, singled and drove in 2.

BECAUSE IT'S SO AGGRAVATING: Jacob deGrom's last 10 starts: 62.1 innings, 44 hits, 9 extra-base hits, 6 earned runs, 17 walks, 83 strikeouts, 0.87 ERA. His record? 2-2. The team's record? 2-8. That includes yesterday, when he allowed 1 run and struck out 7 in 7 innings... and lost. It's not even LOLMets anymore. It's much stronger language than that.

DUDS: None, so let's make fun of the Mets some more. In their past 11 games, dating to May 31, the Mets have scored a total of 15 runs. They have fewer than 50 combined hits in those games. Both of those marks are historically bad - the last time a team had a 10+ game stretch like that happened in the 1970s. Only Reid remembers it.

THIS IS WHY NO ONE TRUSTS PITCHERS TO DO ANYTHING BUT PITCH:




Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Week 11: Tuesday Roundup

We admit a hopeless crush on Billy Hamilton, so when he pulls sorcery like this, he's making the blog.
STUDS: Aaron Nola (PM) struck out 10 and allowed 1 run in a 6.2-inning win. Chase Anderson (CB) threw 7 shutout innings with 6 strikeouts for the win. Starling Marte (SG) homered, doubled and drove in 3. Ketel Freakin Marte (BM) singled, tripled and drove in 3.

JUST MISSED: Travis Shaw (SG) would have been a stud on the back of a pair of 2-run doubles, but then he got caught stealing. I've seen Travis Shaw. He shouldn't be trying to steal.

DUDS: Trevor Williams (R) allowed 8 baserunners and 3 runs in a 3-inning loss, striking out 2.

GO IN STYLE:




Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Week 11: Monday Roundup

These two... Marlins? (checks again) yeah, it says Marlins, wow, hmmm, well they scored a bunch of points Monday.
STUDS: Daniel Descalso (PM) singled, tripled, scored twice and drove in 3, and he did it all THE RIGHT WAY. Brian Anderson (FDD) continued his torrid streak, homering, doubling twice, driving in 2 and scoring 3 runs. Jack Flaherty (FDD) struck out 6 and allowed 1 run in a 6.1-inning win... and, since he's not a Met, his bullpen actually held the lead. Imagine that. Jose Martinez (BM) hit a homer that hasn't landed yet, adding a pair of singles and a couple RBIs. JT Realmuto (AL) was a triple shy of the cycle, scoring 3 runs and driving in 2.

DUDS: Paul Goldschmidt (CB) took a deep breath after his huge week 10, singling and making an error.

MARCELL GO SMASH:





Monday, June 11, 2018

Week 10: The Check Swing

Paul Goldschmidt cracked the 50-point barrier in a monster performance. Give yourself some applause, Paul.
The rankings are starting to get confusing: Our top 3 teams are a combined 1 game over .500. Mid-tier teams Arbitration Losers and The Misfits keep racking up the wins while everyone else struggles to consistently find the win column. Will it continue?

The scoreboard

Hey, Alfaro! Is that your uniform number or your
error total?
1. Stable Geniuses (1848.5 points, 5-5, last week 2): Matt's team fell to the Misfits but still managed to claim the top spot in the rankings. It wasn't a particularly strong performance, though: Matt's pitchers outscored his hitters 79.3-70. Only Cody Bellinger (19.5) and Trea Turner (11) reached double figures, which is almost impossible unless you stack your lineup with Mets. Kudos to Jorge Alfaro (-1) for the performance of the week, which featured 3 singles and 2 errors. Ross Stripling (32.7) looked like an ace in 2 starts, and Sean Newcomb (18.3) took advantage of a double-start week. Carlos Martinez (7.7) certainly didn't though, pitching tentatively and walking batters at a Chatwoodian level after returning from the DL. 

2. Fasano Don't Dance (1843.8 points, 6-4, last week 1): The commishes and AL were battling in the fantasy baseball equivalent of a soccer game: Just because it's close doesn't mean it's entertaining. FDD came away the loser, 139.7-139.3, in the duel between the week's lowest-scoring teams. The Fasanos' pitching was the main reason, with the injured Stephen Strasburg (-2) and Jack Flaherty (4) the main culprits. Also, thanks to Chicago manager Joe Maddon for sitting Brandon Morrow (4) for a pair of save chances because he needed 2 days off after pitching — wait for it — 1.1 innings total in consecutive games after having 3 days off. The guy isn't literally made of glass, Joe. Meanwhile, Brian Anderson (22.5) was the leading hitter, which is all you really need to know about the FDD offense.


Javier Baez spent too much time styling his hair and
picking fights, and not enough in the batting cage.
3. Fresh Fish (1829.8 points, 5-5, last week 4): It was a 2-start week for Max Scherzer (35), which pretty much guarantees a win for Rick's team. Sure enough, the Fish came away with a 13.4-point win against The Rookies. Matt Kemp (24.5) continued to make BM and FDD look like idiots for letting him go, and Scooter Gennett (18) is the No. 6 hitter in FBLG after 10 weeks. Aging stars Andrew McCutchen (22) and Carlos Gonzalez (20.5) chipped in nicely, as well. Maikel Franco (-0.5) and Javier Baez (2) showed why they're 2 of the most extreme examples of streak hitters. Despite our ribbing, Patrick Corbin (17.3) was excellent again. We do feel bad for Vince Velasquez (-5.3) taking one for the team and allowing 10 runs in 3.2 innings, though. 

4. Arbitration Losers (1800.2 points, 8-2, last week 3): Tim's team didn't do anything great, but it didn't have to against the commissioners. Jon Lester (17) and Michael Wacha (14.7) continued their strong seasons, and Matt Carpenter (20.5) appears to be taking the Paul Goldschmidt Rebound Class. Derek Dietrich (16.5) was the second-leading hitter, which is pretty funny. There's plenty to criticize, though. Addison Russell (2) singled twice and did nothing else, and Justin Turner didn't even play. Julio Teheran (-1) went on the DL, and Chris Stratton (4) did his best Ty Blach impression.

We'd be happy to get the hell out of Detroit, too.
5. The Misfits (1756.7 points, 7-3, last week 6): Reid's bats came through to push The Misfits past SG for a win. Trevor Story (22.5) mashed 3 homers, and Eric Hosmer (21) added 2. Christian Yelich (19.5) contributed with 9 hits and 6 runs. Evan Longoria (3) was the only hitter who didn't show up. On the mound, The Misfits showed bizarre consistency: 3 of the 4 starters pitched 5.1 innings, and the 4th threw 5. Walker Buehler (13.3) got hurt but was tied for the high man on the staff with Anibal Sanchez (13.3), who has a 2.37 ERA this season after seeing his ERA rise by about a run in each of 4 consecutive years in Detroit. Go figure. 

6. BodySuit Man (1751.7 points, 4-6, last week 7): It hasn't been the best year for BodySuit Man, but this was a pretty good week in a win against PM. Jose Martinez (34) went off, homering 4 times and driving in 9. Joey Votto (23) padded his stats by walking 8 times, and Ryan Braun (25) stayed healthy long enough to drive in 7. Starlin Castro (21.5) had a classic Starlin Castro week, racking up a decent total without doing anything particularly well. The pitching was a big pile of mediocrity, with Tanner Roark (13) leading the team in innings (6) and points. Jake Arrieta (2.3) was nonexistent, and Noah Syndergaard (DL) isn't ready to return. 

7. Pitch You Blockhead (1736.2 points, 6-4, last week 5): PYB and the Bucs had a duel that went down to the wire, with Scott's club coming away with a 3.5-point win. PYB pitchers went 1-3, with Miles Mikolas (17) picking up almost half of the staff's points. Anthony Rizzo (19), Charlie Blackmon (18.5) and Ian Desmond (16), did much of the damage on offense. Give plenty of credit to Sgt. Dansby Archibald Swanson (18.5) for shaking off a bout with smallpox and tuberculosis to contribute to the cause. Hey, remember when we were making fun of Asdrubal Cabrera's excellence early in the season? Well, now he's both hurt and mediocre. Go figure. 


Even rats think that rats' nest is disgusting, Brandon. 
8. Project Mayhem (1706.8 points, 3-7, last week 8): An inconsistent performance from Fight Club led to a loss for Bill's club. Kyle Freeland (22.7) was good in a pair of outings but was the only PM pitcher to reach double digits. Ace Aaron Nola (9) was adequate in a no-decision, but closer Jeurys Familia (-3) was terrible before being placed on the DL with a bad case of Pitches For the Mets. Brandon Crawford (31.5) has been one of the best hitters in the league — despite having the worst hair in the league — since getting off to a terrible start. Marcell Ozuna (18.5) seems to have remembered how to hit, and Juan Soto (17) keeps putting up points. 

9. The Rookies (1654.2 points, 3-7, last week 9): Henry got a big week from his offense, but his starting pitching fell flat in a loss to the Fish. Freddie Freeman (28.5) and Scott Schebler (24.5) led the charge by combining for 5 homers and 7 doubles. David Peralta (18.5) and Eugenio Suarez (17) also were solid contributors. Unfortunately for The Rookies, the pitchers combined to throw only 15.1 innings, which might be a record low. Jeff Samardzija (DL) didn't pitch, Trevor Williams (1) lasted only 3 innings, and Gio Gonzalez (2.3) lasted only 3.1. At least Felipe Vazquez (11.3) seemed to get back on track. 

10. Clemente's Bucs (1581.7 points, 3-7, last week 10): We don't want to make fun of Ray's team too much, but ... Paul Goldschmidt (50.5) homered 4 times, tripled, doubled 5 times, singled 6 times, drove in 11 and scored 10 runs, and the Bucs still lost. Ouch. But hey, Adam Eaton (3) and Rhys Hoskins (2) are back in the lineup, so perhaps improvement is right around the corner. The pitching staff didn't contribute much in Week 10, though; CB hurlers went 0-2 and allowed 15 earned runs in 23.2 innings with 29 Ks. Jose Quintana (13.7) struck out 10 and still couldn't pick up a W. 

What kind of sorcery is this?

Hitting leaders after Week 10

1. Freddie Freeman (R) 219.5
2. Nick Markakis (FDD) 208
3. Ozzie Albies (R) 198
4. Charlie Blackmon (PYB) 194.5
5. Nolan Arenado (PM) 187

Pitching leaders after Week 10

1. Max Scherzer (FF) 259.7
2. Jacob deGrom (FDD) 189.3
3. Patrick Corbin (FF) 184.7
4. Aaron Nola (PM) 171.3
5. Michael Wacha (AL) 159.7

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Week 10: Sunday Roundup

Have opposing teams seen who's hitting behind Paul Goldschmidt these days? PITCH AROUND HIM.
Hey, ladies! Fellas, if you were worried
about some guy who sexy chest hair
stealing your best gal, imagine what
a guy with throat hair can do.
The commissioners had a busy weekend and didn't have a chance to review Saturday's action. Let's hop into the wayback machine and start there.

SATURDAY STUDS: Trevor Story (M) homered twice, singled, drove in 4 ... and was caught stealing. Nobody's perfect, Trev. David Peralta (R) went 4 for 5 with a double, 3 RBIs and a run. Ryan Braun (BM) tripled, singled, drove in a run and scored 3 times. Paul Goldschmidt (CB) homered twice, singled, drove in 4, scored 3 times and walked. Jon Lester (AL) struck out 5 and didn't allow a run in a 7-inning win.

SATURDAY DUD: Jorge Alfaro (SG) singled and erred.

SUNDAY STUDS: Zack Godley (FDD) looked surprisingly competent at Coors Field, striking out 8 and allowing 2 runs in a 5.2-inning win. Paul Goldschmidt (CB) continued his hot streak; he tripled, doubled, scored twice, drove in 2 and walked. Brandon Crawford (PM) was the only Giant who wasn't baffled by Max Scherzer. Crawford went 4 for 4 with a 2-run homer and 2 doubles. Ketel Marte (BM) defied his "Ketel One" nickname, racking up 10 points by driving in 3, scoring twice and falling a triple short of a cycle. Ross Stripling (SG) fanned 6 and allowed 2 runs in a 6.2-inning victory.

SUNDAY DUDS: Jose Peraza (SG) walked and was caught stealing. Travis Shaw (SG) went 1 for 4 with an error. Nice infield ya got there, Matt.