Week 7: The Check Swing

You can score all the points you want, Brandon. You can basically singlehandedly beat my team.
I may even feel obliged to put your photo atop this blog. But I'll be damned if it's gonna be a flattering shot.

The usual author of this piece, Mr. Deka, asked me to do it this week because he felt my bitterness would be refreshing. I'm obliging him because my bitterness needs a healthy outlet, and nothing is more healthy than making Brandon Belt jokes to disguise my pain. So get ready for some invective.

In actual news, there was very little movement in the overall standings during week 7, with only the 4th and 5th teams switching spots. Four teams - Stable Geniuses, Fasano Don't Dance, Arbitration Losers and Misfits - are tied at 5-2, and poor Project Mayhem is alone at 1-6. There is still plenty of season to go, though.

The scoreboard

1. Stable Geniuses (1378 points, 5-2, last week 1): Let's talk about Brandon Belt. Seems like a nice enough guy, I guess, for a Giant. Deka and I were really excited to draft him last year... then he proceeded to hit .241 and miss 60 games with injury. Well, guess who's leading the National League in OPS+ this season? Yes, the Baby Giraffe is locked in, and never more so than this past week, when he had 5 homers, 11 RBIs and a ridiculous 39 points as Matt's Geniuses edged my poor Fasanos. Bitter? You bet. Matt's offense got contributions from Kyle Schwarber (15.5), Travis Shaw (15) and Odubel Herrera (14.5), but Belt was driving the bus. On the other hand, Kurt Suzuki and Christian Villanueva each finished the week in negative numbers, and wunderkind Scott Kingery continued his struggles with a 0. On the hill, the SG pitchers went 4-0 and were somehow led by Junior Guerra's 19.3 points. Makes no sense, but it's all good. 

We've renamed Ketel Marte "Ketel One" because, well,
he scores one point every couple games.

2. Fasano Don't Dance (1333 points, 5-2, last week 2): Fasano pitchers notched a silly 50 strikeouts in the narrow loss to the Belts. Jack Flaherty put up 32.3 points in 2 starts, including a 13-strikeout gem on Sunday. Jacob deGrom and Nick Pivetta both put up 20+ in a single start, leaving nominal ace Stephen Strasburg's 7.7-point loss as the ugly duckling. Hey, find the strike zone and keep the ball in the park, Strasburg. The FDD offense was ok but not great, led as usual by Braves Ronald Acuna Jr. (16.5) and Nick Markakis (16). Jake Lamb came back from injury which should help the team's power numbers, unless he falls into the giant void that has swallowed up every Dback hitter not named Pollock. The Nats barely played during the week due to weather, leading to minimal contributions from Pedro Severino (3) and Matt Adams (3). At least Ketel Marte (3.5) finally got cut. Lesson learned: Mariners stench doesn't wash off easy.

3. Fresh Fish (1305 points, 3-4, last week 3): Did you know that having Max Scherzer really helps your pitching staff? It's true, I swear it. They don't call me the Harold Reynolds of FBLG blog analysis for nothing. Anyway, Der Scherzer had an 18-point no-decision and only barely got into third place on the Fish pitching rankings this week. Yu Darvish (25 in 2 starts) got his first win, Kenta Maeda (21) had a dominant win, and Patrick Corbin (16.3 in 2 starts) scored well despite going 0-1. That's a pretty nice rotation, Rick. Offensively, Andrew McCutchen (20.5) led the way, with teammate Buster Posey (18.5) and hated rival Matt Kemp (14.5) chipping in in the win against Project Mayhem. This despite having the bloated corpse of Ryan Zimmerman at first base all week. Hey, Ryan: thanks for being terrible again, even before you got injured. Ya turd.

When Mac Williamson has surgery,
that means they give Mac the knife, right?

4. Arbitration Losers (1289.3 points, 5-2, last week 5): Tim's Losers had a strong week in the win against the Rookies, but at some point the injuries have to catch up, right? Let's take a quick peek at Tim's DL... (faints dead away). The injured are: DJ LeMahieu, Hunter Pence, AJ Pollock, Corey Seager, Mac Williamson, Johnny Cueto and Adam Wainwright. That's a lot of really, really good players, and also Mac Williamson. At least Tim got Justin Turner back, and he came off the DL swinging like he was still facing the Cubs in the NLCS, with 16.5 points in a partial week. Matt Carpenter (23) finally showed signs of life, with 6 doubles during the week, and JT Realmuto (18) was good as usual. But Tim is leaning a lot of the likes of Freddy Galvis, Derek Dietrich, Kike Hernandez and Addison Russell. If he keeps his team in contention, he's got owner of the year honors wrapped up. AL's pitching was strong, led by Jon Lester (18) and Michael Wacha (17), although Julio Teheran put up 11 in 2 starts and Chris Stratton managed 15 points despite getting 2 wins. Now THAT is impressive.

When Ender Met the Wall: A Story in Two Pictures

5. BodySuit Man (1258.8 points, 3-4, last week 4): Great sign! Noah Syndergaard scored 33 points in 2 starts last week. Bad sign! Adam's whole pitching staff scored 33.7 points in all their appearances last week. Yes, Jon Gray (-0.3), Jake Arrieta (-1), Sean Doolittle (-3) and Freddy Peralta (5) were somewhere south of stellar as the Costanzas fell to the Bucs. Adam's offense was really good, putting up 92.5 points led by Jose Martinez's 27. Again with the bad news, though: many of them are now injured. Ryan Braun (big shocker there), Yoenis Cespedes (ditto) and Paul DeJong (ok that's actually a surprise) all went on the DL, and Ender Inciarte tried to run through the outfield wall unsuccessfully. The good news is that he avoided major injury and should be back quickly. Still, that's a lot of firepower now on the DL for an offense that may have to carry more than its weight if the pitching remains lame. Also: 7 errors, BodySuit Man? Maybe your mascot should be Jose Offerman.

6. The Misfits (1255.2 points, 5-2, last week 6): Reid keeps winning, this time taking down PYB in a low-scoring affair. Eric Hosmer (27.5) and Christian Yelich (21.5) were monsters at the plate, but everyone in the lineup scored at least 12 except the now-injured Howie Kendrick. The pitching wasn't great, with Tyson Ross (11) earning the team's only win of the week. Wade Davis bounced back with a couple saves, though, and the balanced offense was enough to win the week. Josh Harrison comes off the DL right as Kendrick goes on, so Reid's offense shouldn't lose a step.

7. Pitch You Blockhead (1216.8 points, 3-4, last week 7): There's an old saying in baseball: when Ian Desmond (20) is your offensive leader for a week, that means Ian Desmond is your offensive leader for a week. As a former (multi-year!) owner of Ian Desmond, I have a soft spot for the guy, but you absolutely don't want him as your leading scorer. Scott found that out in the loss to the Misfits, as Desmond, Charlie Blackmon (16.5) and Anthony Rizzo (16) weren't enough to overcome the rest of the offense and pitching being mediocre. Alex Wood (20 in 2 starts) finally got his first win of the year despite pitching well in nearly every start, and Mike Foltynewicz (15) had a strong no-decision. But Joey Lucchesi (4) was bad and then got hurt, and Miles Mikolas (4.7) finally pitched like a dude who's been out of the majors for 3 years.

(pushes glasses up nose) See, it's called the Pit of Sarlacc. You throw
your enemies in there to be slowly digested over a thousand years.

8. The Rookies (1194.2 points, 2-5, last week 8): Lather, rinse, repeat: Henry's Braves were very good this week, with Ozzie Albies (22.5) again leading the way. Freddie Freeman (16.5), non-Brave Scott Schebler (16.5) and fellow non-Brave Albert Almora Jr (15.5) were also good, as the offense scored an even 100 points in a loss to the Fish. But David Peralta (2) and Chris Owings (6) fell in the Dback Death Hole, which swallows hitters whole like the big pit in Return of the Jedi. The Rookies seem to have found a staff ace in Trevor Williams (25 in 2 starts), though, and Zack Greinke (10) pitched well in a no-decision. However, Jeff Samardzija continues to be hilariously awful, Gio Gonzalez was mediocre, and Felipe "Vazquez" had 2 saves but also a blown save/loss combo where the wheels fell completely off.

Just try to remember the good times, Marcell.

9. Project Mayhem (1170.7 points, 1-6, last week 9): Poor, poor Bill. His offense scored 143.5 points and he still couldn't get a win. Brandon Crawford - who is leading the league in hitting this month, because God is hilarious and baseball is stupid - put up 30, and Nolan Arenado, Josh Bell, Jonathan Villar and Tommy Pham had 20.5 each. That's amazing! The team had 54 hits, 34 runs, 26 RBIs, 21 walks... and still lost because the starting pitching was atrocious. Aaron Nola (5) got beaten in his only start, Tyler Mahle went 0-2 in a 2-start week, and Homer Bailey put up -1.3. Closer Jeurys Famila had a win, a save and 14 of the pitching staff's 21 points. So, since the pitching was bad. we'll blame another player who greatly disappointed me after drafting him for the loss - Marcell Ozuna. Oh, Marcell. Two years ago, you were trash. Last year, you were an MVP candidate. Guess which year we drafted you? Now Bill is getting the trash version who scored 5 points all week.

10. Clemente's Bucs (1153.8 points, 3-4, last week 10): Ray can't escape the cellar, but is nearly at .500 after catching some scheduling luck. His team was pretty good in week 7 and destroyed struggling BodySuit Man. CB's offense was strong, led by pretty boy Kris Bryant (24.5) and the less good-looking Cesar Hernandez (22). Imagine if Paul Goldschmidt (7.5) ever starts hitting like he always has? Jose Bautista (6.5) was a bust, waived by the Braves after just a dozen games. Bravo to the Braves for taking a chance, I guess, but did anyone expect a different outcome with an ancient Joey Bats playing third base? Jose Quintana (20.7 in 2 starts) was the only CB starter to do much last week, but closer Brad Hand had 3 saves and 16.7 points. This team needs Goldschmidt and Quintana to lead the way if they're going to get back into it.

The top three hitters so far this year are all Braves.

Hitting leaders after Week 7

1. Ozzie Albies (R) 161.5
2. Freddie Freeman (R) 155.5
3. Nick Markakis (FDD) 152
4. AJ Pollock (AL) 140
5. Bryce Harper (AL) 137

Pitching leaders after Week 7

1. Max Scherzer (FF) 188.7

2. Patrick Corbin (FF) 142.3
3. Jacob deGrom (FDD) 130.3
4. Stephen Strasburg (FDD) 130
5. Aaron Nola (PM) 128.7

Watches Max Scherzer pitch one time.