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| Mike Matheny played for the Cardinals and Giants, and managed the Cardinals. There was literally no chance I wouldn't get in some parting shots after his firing. |
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| Former all-state quarterback J.T. Realmuto (center) back in the days when he could dream about playing for a championship. |
Slash line: .310/.365/.536... 12 homers, 20 doubles, 3 triples, 17 walks, 45 RBIs, 46 runs.
213.5 points at 3.1/game.
The Budtheny Report: "This is a friggin' outrage. There are no other catchers in the league besides St. Yadier Molina. We won't even dignify this turd with a scouting report."
Honorable mention: Buster Posey (FF) 195.5, Yasmani Grandal (PYB) 193
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| Next time try this, Freddie. |
Slash line: ..315/.405/.533... 16 homers, 25 doubles, 3 triples, 53 walks, 61 RBIs, 59 runs.
301.5 points at 3.2/game.
The Budtheny Report: "Dude looks like he's 19 and grew a crappy beard so he'll stop getting carded at the liquor store. He needs to step up and grow facial hair the right way."
Honorable mention: Paul Goldschmidt (CB) 284, Joey Votto (BM) 265.5
SECOND BASE: Ozzie Albies (Rookies)
Slash line: ..281/.318/.516... 20 homers, 29 doubles, 3 triples, 19 walks, 55 RBIs, 74 runs.
301.5 points at 3.2/game.
The Budtheny Report: "Sorry, kid. You may think you're pretty hot stuff, but there's only one player in history worthy of the name Ozzie and we haven't seen you do a backflip on the field, so it ain't you."
Honorable mention: Scooter Gennett (FF) 272, Cesar Hernandez (CB) 243.5
THIRD BASE: Nolan Arenado (Project Mayhem)
Slash line: .312/.395/.586... 23 homers, 21 doubles, 2 triples, 49 walks, 68 RBIs, 63 runs.
297.5 points at 3.3/game.
The Budtheny Report: "A guy who plays half his games in Coors Field? Please. If this guy had to play in a real ballpark named after a real beer like Busch Stadium, he'd be just another joker."
Honorable mention: Brian Anderson (FDD) 256.5, Eugenio Suarez (R) 249
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| Ahhhhhhhh it burns! Look at all that showboating. |
Slash line: .292/.326/.566... 19 homers, 25 doubles, 6 triples, 14 walks, 72 RBIs, 61 runs.
292 points at 3.2/game.
The Budtheny Report: "No offense, but this guy is everything that is wrong about baseball. The violent swings. The wild throws. The crazy tags. The exuberance. The emotion. The Cubs. He should be banned from baseball and, if possible, deported."
Honorable mention: Trevor Story (M) 291.5, Trea Turner (SG) 246
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| Another Greek with no power or speed. |
Slash line: .323/.389/.488...10 homers, 29 doubles, 1 triples, 42 walks, 61 RBIs, 55 runs.
296 points at 3.1/game.
The Budtheny Report: "He's an outfielder who doesn't hit homers and doesn't steal bases. Pardon us if we don't get real excited about some Greek dude hitting a bunch of singles."
OUTFIELD: Charlie Blackmon (Pitch You Blockhead!)
Slash line: .287/.355/.497... 19 homers, 12 doubles, 4 triples, 35 walks, 45 RBIs, 73 runs.
Slash line: .287/.355/.497... 19 homers, 12 doubles, 4 triples, 35 walks, 45 RBIs, 73 runs.
281.5 points at 3.1/game.
The Budtheny Report: "Another Coors Field creation, and this one has a beard that says 'I brew beer in the offseason, and I would love to tell you about it for the next two hours.' Plus, have you ever seen him bunt? Fast outfielders should bunt. Such a waste."
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| Won't someone please think of the children? |
Slash line: .214/.365/.468... 23 homers, 14 doubles, 0 triples, 78 walks, 54 RBIs, 57 runs.
257 points at 2.7/game.
The Budtheny Report: "Please. Hitting .214 with 100 strikeouts? We got pitchers with better numbers than that. Plus, did you see that ridiculous bandana at the Home Run Derby? That kind of innocuous fun has no place in this serious sport."
Honorable mention: Cody Bellinger (SG) 256, Starling Marte (SG) 252.5, David Peralta (R) 250.5
STARTING PITCHER: Max Scherzer (Fresh Fish)
12-5, 2.41 ERA, 182 strikeouts in 134.2 innings, 0.90 WHIP
325.7 points at 16.3/start
The Budtheny Report: "If you want to trust a German whose eyes aren't even the same color, then that's up to you. Us, we'll stick with our kind, thank you very much. Plus, we saw him pump his fist and scream in exuberance once, and that didn't sit well. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."
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| Just try to find one of these in Philly. |
12-3, 2.30 ERA, 131 strikeouts in 129 innings, 0.98 WHIP
278 points at 13.9/start
The Budtheny Report: "He's tainted by his association to that wack job Gabe Kapler, who is almost as everything that's wrong with baseball as Javy Baez. You also can't trust anything about Philly. They claim to be the birthplace of this great country... they don't even have an arch! Nola pitches fine, we guess. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."
STARTING PITCHER: Jacob deGrom (Fasano Don't Dance)
5-4, 1.68 ERA, 149 strikeouts in 123.1 innings, 0.97 WHIP
262.3 points at 13.8/start
The Budtheny Report: "Obviously, it's the pitcher's job to get wins, and to only have five and be an all-star is shameful. Who's voting for this crap, anyway? Trying to keep your ERA down at the cost of your team winning is just selfish. That's bad baseball. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."
STARTING PITCHER: Patrick Corbin (Fresh Fish)
6-4, 3.24 ERA, 149 strikeouts in 122.1 innings, 1.05 WHIP
245.3 points at 13.8/start
The Budtheny Report: "Another selfish pitcher, racking up numbers but not wins. Plus, this guy is left-handed. If you've ever seen a Cardinals pitching staff, you know what we think of lefties. Quick, name the last lefty starter you saw pitch in front of the Best Fans in Baseball. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every fifth day."
Honorable mention: Zack Greinke (R) 237.7, Jon Lester (AL) 221.7, Ross Stripling (SG) 215.3
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| See? Former Pirate reliever Felipe Rivero. |
3-2, 3.05 ERA, 57 strikeouts in 41.1 innings, 1.28 WHIP
158.3 points at 3.7/appearance
The Budtheny Report: "Honestly had never heard of this guy before this season, which seems strange because Pittsburgh is in our division. They used to have this guy Rivero who was pretty good. We guess all lefty relievers kinda look alike. One thing's for sure: he'd be better if he were pitching to Yadi every single day."
Honorable mention: Brad Hand (CB) 159.3, Josh Hader (FDD) 157
So there you have it. Special thanks to Mike and Bud for their thoughtful, reasoned analysis. We're sure Mike will be working for Fox this postseason and imparting all his baseball wisdom on us whether we like it or not.
Enjoy the all-star break, and we'll get it going again in a couple days.
Enjoy the all-star break, and we'll get it going again in a couple days.
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