Week 2: The Check Swing

Sometimes we like to go beyond silly Pedro Alvarez jokes and bring you some actual baseball knowledge.

1. Tears In Nevin (Rich/Brian, 2-0, 551 points, last week 1): The commishes opened up a sizable lead in Week 2, and it's easy to see why. TIN leads FBLG in walks, runs, RBIs, innings pitched and strikeouts. These guys also are second in homers and singles, and are fourth in doubles. Sonny Gray came off the DL, which should bolster the pitching staff and send one of those many Marlins to the bench. Freddie Freeman's bat awakened, and Brandon Nimmo sprayed singles all over the field like Tony Gwynn. Omar Narvaez didn't do much with the bat, but you can't expect too much from those portly catcher types. 

Interested in "finding Nimmo"? He's probably
at first base after yet another single.

2. Lumber Co Lumber (John, 2-0, 498 points, last week 2): John's offense went big in a victory against BOPP in Week 2. His leading hitter was ... checks notes ... Adam Frazier? Second and third were Jake Cronenworth and Bryan Reynolds, which makes you wonder what will happen when Juan Soto, Marcell Ozuna and Paul Goldschmidt start mashing. Yadier Molina popped three homers, infuriating Rich and filling Brian with glee (because he likes seeing Rich annoyed). We do worry a bit about the pitching staff, with Mitch Keller getting dumped and David Price pitching out of the bullpen. But with Aaron Nola and Joe Musgrove looking like Spahn and Sain, does it really matter?

3. Project Mayhem (Bill, 2-0, 497.33 points, last week 3): PM was our top-scoring team in Week 2, and not just because Ronald Acuña Jr. went berserk. The kid went off for 41.5 points with three homers, a triple, a double, five singles, seven walks, a steal, eight RBIs and a whopping 13 runs scored. But we here at the commissioner's office also appreciate strong pitching, and PM delivered. Zac Gallen, Yu Darvish, Trevor Bauer and Anthony DeSclafani allowed five runs across six starts that spanned 37 innings. They struck out 43 batters in those starts. Meanwhile, Willson Contreras homered four times, which means he'll post two points in Week 3 if his pattern holds up.

We're gonna have to ask you to put a hat on, Hosmer.

4. Jon Voight's Car (Adam, 0-2, 418.67 points, last week 5): JVC looks like one of our top teams but has had bad luck in the matchup department so far. In the Week 2 loss to TIN, this club's pitching staff went 4-1 and allowed only five runs in 31.1 innings. Three of those runs were allowed by the since-dispatched "Yo" Adrian Houser. Jacob deGrom and Marcus Stroman dominated the sad-sack Rockies, and Stroman also shut down the Phillies. The production at the plate was disappointing, with only two homers hit. Eric Hosmer was the only hitter who had what you'd call a good week, but you have to figure Francisco Lindor and Nick Castellanos will heat up at some point.

5. Boogie Oogie Penny Ponies (Matt, 1-1, 389 points, last week 8): The BOPPers had a good enough week to move up three spots in the rankings but not good enough to hang with LCL. Manny Machado led the team in hitting points and stole four bases (wait, what?). Trea Turner had a nice week, and Carson Kelly hilariously homered three times, walked five times and singled once. The pitching staff was underwhelming, but that can happen when you get no double starts. German Marquez has gotten off to a strong start to the season, but ace Luis Castillo has an ERA north of 7. Freddy Peralta and Adbert Alzolay are wild cards, pun intended.

Hey, remember the time Colvin got impaled
 by a broken bat?

6. The Rookies (Henry, 0-2, 378.17 points, last week 4): The Rooks had a miserable week at the plate, and not even a healthy Cody Bellinger would have been enough to help. "Shortstop" Eugenio Suarez played the entire week and scored one paltry point (a run scored), coming oh-so-close to what the commishes lovingly call "pulling a Colvin" because of the time they picked up Tyler Colvin for a week at Coors Field and the doofus posted a zero. But we digress. Tim Locastro, Tyler Naquin and Sam Hilliard contributed nothing from the outfield, and Jonathan India did the same in the infield. Huascar Ynoa made a pair of starts but allowed seven runs in 10 innings and took a loss. On the bright side, Corbin Burnes looks like a monster, and Craig Kimbrel seems to be back on track.    

7. Clemente's Bucs (Ray, 1-1, 376 points, last week 6): CB also suffered from a lack of double starts in Week 2, but it wouldn't have mattered in a blowout loss to PM. Brandon Woodruff and Chris Paddack pitched well, but Jake Arrieta and Charlie Morton did not. Amir Garrett pitched only once; did the Reds lose his number? Only four Bucs hitters reached double digits in points, which matters less in these times of daily lineup shuffling. But still. We love Josh Harrison, but you're not going to win anything if he's your leading hitter. Come back soon from the IL, Christian Yelich and Ketel Marte.

We searched for Miguel Rojas, and Google said
"Are you sure?"

8. Sunshine Carpet Cleaners (Jack, 1-1, 368.17 points, last week 10): At some point, the pitching wins are going to come for SCC. Max Scherzer got a deGrom-esqe no-decision with 10 Ks in 7 scoreless innings, and Walker Buehler pitched well in a no-decision of his own. Justin Turner was scorching hot at the plate, leading the way with 27 points. Miguel Rojas smacked four doubles and was the second-leading hitter for SCC, but no one noticed because he's a Marlin. We're still waiting for Charlie Blackmon and C.J. Cron to start hitting. Remember when Rockies hitters were valuable in fantasy baseball?

9. Arbitration Losers (Tim, 1-1, 349.67 points, last week 7): For those of you who've been around for a while, Tim "pulled a Scott" by getting a cheap W against the only team to score fewer points than his in Week 2, The Misfits. Tim loaded up on veteran hitters in the draft, and apparently they all ran out of gas by mid-April. The AL offense totaled a paltry 86 points, and 31 of them came from Starling Marte. An additional 15 came from Nolan Arenado. Michael Conforto, Joey Votto, Mike Moustakas, Trevor Story and Buster Posey failed to reach double digits. Time for a closed-door meeting with your guys, Tim. In addition, Stephen Strasburg and Johnny Cueto got hurt. Are we forgetting anything?

10. The Misfits (Reid, 0-2, 337.5 points, last week 9): The less we say about this week for The Misfits, the better. Only one of Reid's starting pitchers lasted long enough to pick up a victory — not that any of them pitched well enough to have actually earned one. The staff allowed 21 runs in 20.2 innings and totaled just 18.67 points. Did Reid draft the 1996 Tigers? (Seriously, look those guys up. Just brutal.) The Misfits' lineup was solid, though. Jean Segura led the team with 22.5 hitting points, and Kris Bryant homered three times. Will A.J. Pollock and Jackie Bradley Jr. hit enough to contribute in the outfield?