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| This one's for you, Tim. Let the good Dodgers vibes wash over you. |
The first round of the playoffs are in the book, and our top two seeds are already gone. No. 1 overall seed Fasano Don't Dance put up the second-highest point total of round and still lost, while No. 2 seed Fresh Fish put up the fewest amount of points and got dumped. Here are the final scores from round 1:
- No. 8 Pitch You Blockhead! 416, No. 1 Fasano Don't Dance 404.8
- No. 7 Bodysuit Man 305, No. 2 Fresh Fish 285
- No. 3 Arbitration Losers 394.5, No. 6 Project Mayhem 354.5
- No. 4 The Misfits 378.2, No. 5 Stable Geniuses 310.8
- No. 10 Clemente's Bucs 358.5, No. 9 The Rookies 328.5
Round 2 matchups (2-week games, starting today):
- No. 8 Pitch You Blockhead vs. No. 4 The Misfits
- No. 7 BodySuit Man vs. No. 3 Arbitration Losers
In the overall standings, FDD maintains a decent lead on PM and SG with 6 weeks to go. PYB, the week's big winner, jumped into 4th place. And somehow, after 20 weeks of play, BodySuit Man and Clemente's Bucs have exactly the same number of points, down to the decimal.
The scoreboard
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| Squint a little and tell me that doesn't say "Gassy." |
1. Fasano Don't Dance (3801.8 points, last week 1): A monster 2-week stretch wasn't enough to advance to the second round, but the commissioners at least managed to extend their lead in the overall points a bit. Rookie wunderkind Ronald Acuna, Jr. put up a ridiculous 63.5 points in the matchup, including 6 homers, 5 doubles, 11 RBIs, 13 runs and 4 steals. Daniel Murphy (35) and Johan Camargo (32.5) also had a nice couple weeks, but the offense could have used more from Jason Heyward (11.5) and Carlos Santana (18.5). On the pitching side, ace Jacob deGrom put up 56.7 in three starts, newcomer Kevin Gausman went 3-0 and scored 44, and Jack Flaherty had 33 in two starts. But closer Kirby Yates (3.7) managed three losses, Zack Godley (6) was mediocre and Stephen Strasburg (4) provided no relief in his return from the DL. Hard to complain too much about putting up 400+ in a two-week stretch, though.
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BAH GAWD! HE KILLED GORKYS!
THAT GREASEBALL KILLED GORKYS! STOP THE DAMN MATCH! |
2. Project Mayhem (3717 points, last week 2): Bill's team had a fine first round but ran into the Arbitration Losers' buzzsaw in the tough loss. Aaron Nola and Zach Wheeler each won a pair of games and put up 44 points apiece to lead the pitching staff, and Jameson Taillon (35) was a solid third starter. That would be enough to get you through a lot of playoff rounds, even before good starts by Kyle Freeland (11.3) and Anthony DeSclafani (11.7) and decent work from Raisel Iglesias (14). On the offensive side of the ball, Nolan Arenado (35.5) did what you'd hope your top pick would do in the playoffs (bad news, Bill, you probably won't be able to draft him next year). Rookie phenom Juan Soto (33), Marcell Ozuna (26.5 before getting hurt) and Jonathan Villar (26.5 before being cut) also did well, but Tommy Pham (12.5), Ian Happ (4), Josh Bell (10), Brandon Crawford (7) and Ben Zobrist (12.5) didn't help a lot. Now the race is on for the points title.
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| Watch that belt, big fella. |
3. Stable Geniuses (3675 points, last week 3): Matt's offense underwhelmed in the first-round loss to the Misfits, failing to reach the 200-point mark in two weeks. Cody Bellinger led the way with 30.5 points, and Jesus Aguilar (26.5), Trea Turner (25.5) and Kyle Schwarber (24) contributed nicely, but Starling Marte (6.5), Jorge Alfaro (10), Odubel Herrera (11) and Jose Peraza (17, including 4 errors) came up short. The pitching was similarly meh, with 6 starters combining for less than 100 points total. I'm not saying that having Derek Holland (23.3), Tanner Roark (22) and Brad Boxberger (22) as your leading pitchers in a playoff matchup is a bad thing. But I'm also
not not saying that. Matt went all-in with his mashers-before-chuckers drafting philosophy, and both sides of the ball let him down in the playoffs. It's like being a Nationals fan, I guess. He's sitting pretty in the points race, though, and looking for a strong finish.
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War hero Dansby Swanson is welcomed
back from the front. |
4. Pitch You Blockhead (3620 points, last week 6): Scott's team went berserk to win a high-scoring round one affair with FDD. German Marquez (49) and Mike Foltynewicz (45) had three strong starts each, and Rich Hill (29) and Miles Mikolas (27.7) contributed in their starts as well. All told: 5-1, 20 runs and 79 strikeouts in 74 innings. On offense, big bopper Anthony Rizzo (41.5) was the star, but some unsung heroes contributed mightily as well. How do you feel about 36.5 points from Five-Star Brigadier General Dansby Swanson? That will make a lovely letter home from the front lines to dear Martha. How about 36.5 from Michael Conforto? Even Billy Hamilton managed 20 points in part-time work... without stealing a base! That's literally his only offensive skill. Sometimes everything breaks right, and that's what happened for PYB in the first round.
5. Fresh Fish (3618.7 points, last week 4): Rick's freefall continued with the loss to BodySuit Man. Max Scherzer (30) was amazing as usual, and Patrick Corbin (28) remained annoyingly competent. But Kenta Maeda (6) is a reliever now, Keone Kela (7) is at least not on the DL but also isn't a closer, and Dan Straily (15) is, well, he's Dan Straily. And worse, he's a Marlin. Offensively, the 1-2 punch of Javier Baez (39) and Scooter Gennett (37.5) led the way - Rick drafted those guys in the 7th and 9th round, respectively. Pretty good return on those picks! Maikel Franco (27) and Carlos Gonzalez (25.5) had one of their nice stretches, but Buster Posey (8.5) is done for the year, Justin Bour (10) is a backup and also hurt, and Andrew McCutchen (13) has been swallowed whole by the San Francisco cesspool. Not long ago, the Fish were atop this scoreboard; now they're in danger of falling to sixth or even seventh as they swim through the consolation bracket.
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| Get this man some double-doubles for all the doubles he keeps doubling. |
6. Arbitration Losers (3610.2 points, last week 5): We're bitter about losing in the first round, so we'll just take a minute to relish the fact that it took a superhuman effort from a Dodger - A DODGER - to propel Tim past Bill and into the second round. Justin Turner went completely nuts in his return from the DL, putting up four homers, seven doubles, 11 singles, 16 RBIs and 12 runs for a 62.5-point outburst. Bryce Harper (47.5) also had monstrous numbers, including 13 RBIs. AJ Pollock (33), Matt Carpenter (32.5) and JT Realmuto (31.5) also put up crooked numbers for Tim's offense, which finished with a ridiculous 264.5 points in the two-week stretch. The pitching staff didn't do much except winning games, going 6-0 with five saves behind Cole Hamels (35), Jon Lester (31.7) and Julio Teheran (28). Just steady work and good luck with wins, and into the second round.
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| Our Spanish is a little rusty, apparently. |
7. The Misfits (3557 points, last week 7): If you looked at Reid's roster with a passing glance, you'd say, "oh, they have Clayton Kershaw and a potent offense!" In this round of the playoffs, you'd have been exactly right, as those two things led to the win against Stable Geniuses. Kershaw (49) had three dominant starts, kept from more points only by a leaky Dodgers bullpen. Fellow Dodger Walker Buehler (34) was stellar in two starts, but the rest of the staff was putrid, with Anibal Sanchez, Joe Musgrove and Jeremy Hellickson putting up 25 points in 5 starts. Good thing the good version of HEY! WADE! Davis was around for three saves. The offense was lethal, combing for 20 homers, 46 RBIs and 250 points. Gregory Polanco (40.5) saved one of his hot stretches for the right time, and Christian Yelich (36), Trevor Story (34.5) and Eric Hosmer (34) were excellent as well. All eight hitters put up at least 20 points and had at least one home run. That's a nice way to advance to the semifinals.
8. The Rookies (3346.3 points, last week 8): Henry's pitching was great but the offense couldn't overcome the Bucs' onslaught in the consolation round loss. Jhoulys Chacin (43) had three strong starts, and Zack Greinke (33) and Madison Bumgarner (32) were predictably good. Still, despite being really good, all three of those pitchers took a loss during the matchup. On offense, Freddie Freeman (36.5) and David Peralta (34) were really good, but Ozzie Albies (20.5) had no extra-base hits and Eugenio Suarez (25.5) didn't have enough guys to drive in. Playing for pride in the consolation bracket isn't enough motivation for all these guys, apparently.
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| Hey, Joey, you coming back for the semifinals? |
T9. BodySuit Man (3338.2 points, last week 9): A balanced attack led Adam's bunch to a low-scoring first-round win and a date in the semifinals. Clay Buchholz (38) and Jon Gray (27.3) led the pitching staff, which was able to overcome Jake Arrieta's (12) bad luck - five runs allowed in two starts, and two losses. On the hitting side, Jose Martinez - apparently a slap hitter now - had 13 singles and finished with 31 points to lead the attack. Starlin Castro and Ender Inciarte notched 29.5 points apiece, and Paul DeJong had 29. And Large Canadian Joey Votto is expected back this week, just in time for the semifinals. Fresh off one upset, Adam will be looking for another against the top remaining seed.
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| We agree, Paulie. |
T9. Clemente's Bucs (3338.2 points, last week 10): You might remember from this space a few weeks back when we lamented not being able to see this offense strike some fear in the playoffs. (Pauses to pat self on back.) Well, 273.5 points in two weeks later... this offense is positively terrifying. Paul Goldschmidt (49) is on an MVP pace again, Manny Machado (40.5) is one of the best players in the game, Rhys Hoskins (37.5) looks like a star, and Adam Eaton (37) has always been great when healthy. Throw in 30 from Brandon Nimmo, 29.5 from Eduardo Escobar, 25 from Cesar Hernandez... well, you get the idea. This is now the most complete offense in our league, and it shows as Ray tries to climb out of the basement. (I will not mention the pitching staff, which went 5-7 with no saves in two weeks.)
Hitting leaders after Week 20
1. Freddie Freeman (R) 404
2. Paul Goldschmidt (CB) 400.5
3. Javier Baez (FF) 399
4. Nick Markakis (FDD) 391
5. Nolan Arenado (PM) 390.5
Pitching leaders after Week 20
1. Max Scherzer (FF) 444.7
2. Jacob deGrom (FDD) 371
3. Aaron Nola (PM) 364
4. Patrick Corbin (FF) 340.7
5. Zack Greinke (R) 352.7
THAT FEELING WHEN YOU WIN YOUR FIRST ROUND MATCHUP:
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