Week 13: The Check Swing

We'd like to pause from our usual barrage of bad jokes to mourn the loss of Angels pitcher Tyler Skaggs. 

One week after we saw a bit of shuffling in the rankings, we now see very little movement. Only Tim and Rick traded spots — and much like the teams they root for, no one was paying much attention. (Giants and Marlins, in case you were wondering.)

Is that Yasiel Puig or 1990s pro wrestler Viscera? 

1. Yari's Autonomics (2614.8, 7-6, last week 1): Adam held on to first place in the rankings but was unable to gain ground in the division race because of a 1.5-point loss to The Rookies. We hate to point fingers around here, but we're going to throw Cole Hamels under the bus for this one. And then we're going to drive the bus. As Rich would say, "Don't trust lefty." Hamels cost Yari 2 points with a lousy inning before getting hurt, and that was the difference. Max Scherzer was ridiculous, putting up 48 points by striking out 24 and pitching 16 innings in a pair of wins. Zack Greinke scored 26 with a win in a double-start week. Jean Segura hit three homers and scored 29 points to pace the offense. Yasiel Puig posted a 12 — do you earn points for going berserk and almost causing a brawl? We'll check the rulebook. Elias Diaz committed three errors, which reminds us of so many Pedro Alvarez jokes from years past. Have you heard the one about the third baseman who couldn't hit or field?

"There's a new Neil in town!"

2. Clemente's Bucs (2597.8, 7-6, last week 2): Is Ray's team scaring the bejeezus out of anyone else, or is it just us? The Bucs tore it up again, posting 235.2 points in a massacre of Matt's WLB club. Charlie Blackmon cooled off only slightly, scoring 36.5 points while scoring 11 runs and driving in seven. Jeff McNeil scored 30.5, which seems mathematically impossible for a Met. Max Muncy drove in 12 runs while scoring 25 points during a road trip to Phoenix and Denver (go figure). Even Carson Kelly — or is it Kelly Carson? — scored 13 points as the offense erupted for 178.5. Ray's pitchers didn't have to do much, but they did go 3-0. Zach Eflin hilariously allowed nine runs in 11 innings and still picked up a win.

3. The Rookies (2574.3 points, 6-7, last week 3): As mentioned above, Henry's bunch pulled out a close one against the Autonomics. The Rookies showed nice balance from the offense and pitching; five players posted 20 points or more. Max Fried scored 25 in a pair of starts, and Patrick Corbin put up 20 in a strong performance. Robbie Ray struck out a ton of guys but allowed a ton of runs while going 0-2. We're just going to assume he walked a crap-ton of guys, too. Scott Kingery stopped making errors, and Cody Bellinger reclaimed the top spot in our scoring race. Each player put up a 25-point week for Henry. Meanwhile, Greg Holland got cut by another FBLG team, so keep that in mind if you're looking for an underwhelming reliever on the waiver wire.

The Phillies have a history of wacky, unpredictable,
unreliable closers. Anyone remember 1993? 

4. When the Ledee Breaks (2481.8, 7-6, last week 4): Matt's team lost by 99 points, so it's going to be hard to find positive things to write here. But we'll try. Ronald Acuña Jr. had a huge week, collecting 11 hits and stealing four bases while scoring 33.5 points. Jose Quintana had a good 15-point outing to earn Ledee's only win. Beyond that, it's ugly. We're talking Willie McGee ugly. Trevor Richards and Dakota Hudson combined for 1.7 points. The offense hit eight homers yet drove in only 20 runs. Daniel Murphy, Yasmani Grandal, Jose Iglesias and Mike Moustakas failed to reach double digits. Also, someone clogged the toilet in the clubhouse. (Spoiler alert: It was Hector Neris.)

5. Hassey's Girl (2474.8, 9-4, last week 5): What happens when you give Rich unchecked control of the roster and countless transactions? You get a week in which Hassey's Girl used 12 position players. TWELVE. Including four Mets. To be honest, though, this loss to LCL was more on Deka's pitching staff. Aaron Nola put up 17 points in a no-decision (thanks, Neris), but the rest of these guys combined for only 20. Hyun-Jin Ryu took a beating to the tune of -2. Craig Kimbrel finally pitched to end a week-and-a-half reliever-free stretch for the commishes — because having no closer is better than Jordan Hicks or Raisel Iglesias or Greg Holland or David Robertson or whatever other garbage Hassey could dredge up from the Delaware River. On the offensive side, Fernando Tatis Jr. put up 26.5 points; unfortunately, Christian Yelich is ice-cold and scored only 6.5. Also, FOUR METS.

We miss you so much, Pedro. 

6. Project Mayhem (2417.3, 7-6, last week 6): Bill's team got hammered by the Arb Losers, and it's easy to see what the problem was. Anibal Sanchez, who picked up PM's only victory in Week 13, was the leading scorer with 18 points. No other pitcher scored more than 8. On the offensive side, six players reached double figures but no one scored more than 17. Franmil Reyes hit half of PM's homers (that'd be two) but made one-third of their errors (that'd also be two). Joc Pederson proved that Ron Washington was correct about infield defense in "Moneyball"; Pederson made a pair of errors while playing first base at a nearly Alvarezian level.

7. Lumber Co Lumber (2387, 6-7, last week 7): John's team thumped the commissioners, and let's see... The leading scorer for LCL was... JASON HEYWARD?!? What year is this? Four homers, 11 RBIs and 33.5 points is just shocking. We're not surprised at all by the 26 from Bryce Harper, the 25.5 from Dansby Swanson, the 20.5 from Freddie Freeman, the 18.5 from Willson Contreras or the 18 from Rhys Hoskins. Seriously, that's a nice offense, John. On the mound, Steven Matz totaled -1.7 in a blow-up start and an outing shortened by a rain delay. Jon Lester went 1-1 but was good enough for 25.7 points.

Madison Bumgarner threatens the ice cream man for
"making too damn much noise while I'm napping."

8. Arbitration Losers (2360.2, 8-5, last week 9): Tim's club cracked the 200-point barrier, and it was all about big performances. No, that's not a Pablo Sandoval joke. David Dahl led the offense with four homers and 14 RBIs while scoring 34 points. Manny Machado also slugged four homers but drove in only nine runs because Padres. He totaled 23 points for the week. There were some big numbers on the mound for AL, too. Madison Bumgarner continued yelling at the neighborhood kids for running through the sprinklers and scored 40 points in a pair of dominant performances. The Bum struck out 20 and allowed 3 runs in 13 innings. Jake Arrieta somehow went 2-0 while allowing 9 runs in 12 innings.

9. Fresh Fish (2344.8, 7-6, last week 8): Rick's team didn't really do anything special in Week 13, but mediocrity was enough for a win against the struggling Misfits. Alex Verdugo hit a couple of bombs and paced the offense with 26 points. The Fish made only one error, and let's check the roster to ... oh, I see you over there, Amed Rosario. Austin Riley went deep twice yet scored only 3 runs and drove in only 3. Joe Musgrove appears to have righted the ship; he picked up a 16-point win. Clayton Kershaw got knocked around in a double-start week (thanks, Coors Field) and totaled 11 points. Luis Castillo pitched well in a 9-point loss, and Jacob deGrom did the same in a 7-point loss.

Jon Gray, who used to play guitar in a Molly Hatchet
tribute band, is 9-5 with a 3.84 ERA this season.

10. The Misfits (2028.2, 1-12, last week 10): There were so many awful performances from the Misfits that it's hard to list them all. Let's start with the studs and go from there. Jon Gray was fantastic, scoring 34.7 points in a pair of wins. Unfortunately, the rest of the "pitchers" totaled 6 points. Justin Turner hit Reid's only two homers and scored 20 points. Cesar Hernandez kept plugging along and put up 23.5. However, The Misfits totaled only 10 RBIs, and those came from only three players (Turner, Hernandez and Harold Ramirez). Check out these brutal numbers: Yadier Molina (6), Paul Goldschmidt (4.5), Michael Wacha (4), Edwin Diaz (1.3), Merrill Kelly (1), Jose Peraza (0) and Jack Flaherty (-0.3).

Batting leaders after Week 13

1. Cody Bellinger (R) 312
2. Christian Yelich (HG) 307.5
3. Freddie Freeman (LCL) 296
4. Josh Bell (YA) 290
5. Nolan Arenado (R) 281

Pitching leaders after Week 13

1. Max Scherzer (YA) 284.3
4. Brandon Woodruff (CB) 223
3. Stephen Strasburg (CB) 219
2. Hyun-Jin Ryu (HG) 215
5. Zack Greinke (YA) 213