Week 9: The Check Swing

If we had told you that Ross Stripling (above) and Walker Buehler would be the Dodgers' best
starting pitchers this season, would you have believed us?

Brandon Morrow pitches so rarely that we
assumed Joe Maddon had lost his number.

This season, we've been putting witty intros atop The Check Swing before diving into The Scoreboard. Well, frankly, we're running out of things to say. Blah blah, laugh at the Mets, blah blah, insult the Padres, blah blah, Rich hates the Giants and A.J. Pollock and D.J. LeMahieu and other people with initials instead of a first name and also America.

The scoreboard

1. Fasano Don't Dance (1704.5 points, 6-3, last week 1): The commishes had a good week but couldn't keep up with the juggernaut that was Project Mayhem in Week 9. The pitching was either really good — see Jacob deGrom (33) and Brandon Morrow (14) — or just adequate. The staff allowed 11 earned runs in 32.2 innings but went 0-2. At the plate, Chris Taylor (28.5) took advantage of a handful of games at Coors Field to break out in a big way. Nick Markakis (19) is second in batting points in FBLG, which isn't bad for a guy who didn't get drafted. Brian Anderson (14.5) is nothing special, but he's outscoring Cody Bellinger, Paul Goldschmidt and Anthony Rizzo. On the other hand, Pedro Severino (2) was boring enough to get cut, and Matt Adams (4) got hurt. 

2. Stable Geniuses (1699.2 points, 5-4, last week 2): Matt's team came up on the short end of a hard-fought battle with PYB, losing 183.8-181. Matt's Russian-roulette pitching style paid off, with Ross Stripling (20), Vince Velasquez (21) and Caleb Smith (16) paying dividends. The offense went cold, though — and that was this team's strength through the first 8 weeks. Kyle Schwarber (23.5) was the high man on the roster, and Jorge Alfaro (19) ripped 5 doubles and a triple. But some of the mainstays were disappointments. Cody Bellinger (2) is slumping badly, Travis Shaw (4) was error-prone, Brandon Belt (3) got appendicitis, and Odubel Herrera (7.5) probably flipped his bat only a couple of times. Scott Kingery (0) posted as many points as his father, Mike. 

This was Matt Carpenter's reaction when he saw his
numbers this season.

3. Arbitration Losers (1660.5 points, 7-2, last week 4): Tim's team went nuts, putting up 206.5 points in a beatdown of The Misfits. The AL pitching staff was otherworldly, with Michael Wacha (34) and Jon Lester (32) combining to go 4-0. Chris Statton (18) picked up the other win for AL, whose pitching staff totaled 93 points. None of the position players posted a big week, but they didn't have to with the pitching doing so much damage. Matt Carpenter (15) was the top scorer and finally looks like the hitter we remember. Addison Russell (11.5) did a fair amount of hitting and a fair amount of erring, collecting 3 E's on the week. Sadly, Tim kicked Hector Neris (3.3) to the curb, which means we've crossed one of our favorite punching bags off our list. 

4. Fresh Fish (1650.7 points, 4-5, last week 3): Rick's offense did exactly what you would expect from a power-packed lineup like this — which was bad news for BM. Matt Kemp (28.5) homered 3 times and was named the NL player of the week. I guess Kemp was mad that Adam cut him earlier this season (oops) and paid him back. With the exception of the maddeningly inconsistent Maikel Franco (4.5), every Fish hitter scored at least 13.5 points. The pitching staff was a different — and uglier — story. Max Scherzer (25) was his usual self, but the rest of the staff went 0-5. Dan Straily (7) couldn't take advantage of a 2-start week, and Patrick Corbin (7) got knocked around. Yu Darvish (DL) didn't even pitch, yet he outscored countryman Kenta Maeda (-1.3). 

"Ian Desmond just threw his helmet.
HEADS UP IN THE SIXTH ROW!"

5. Pitch You Blockhead (1588.5 points, 5-4, last week 7): Scott's team slugged its way to a victory against one of FBLG's top teams, the Geniuses. Anthony Rizzo (25.5), Charlie Blackmon (21.5) and Ian Desmond (20.5) — wait, really? — led the charge as the offense posted 133.5 points. Mike Foltynewicz (25) put up a Scherzer amount of points in 1 outing, and Chad Kuhl (16) did well despite an 0-1 record. However, Miles Mikolas (4) forgot to strike people out, and Zach Davies (1) was replacement-level before going on the DL. If you combine the skills of Wilmer Difo (1) and Billy Hamilton (-0.5), would that player be good enough to start for a FBLG team? 

6. The Misfits (1583.8 points, 6-3, last week 5): Reid's offense was strong, but the pitching was lacking in a loss to the Losers. Tyson Ross (17.3) went 1-0 in 2 starts, but it goes downhill from there. Jeremy Hellickson (11.3) got hurt early in his second outing of the week, and Clayton Kershaw (9) returned to the DL with a back injury. Walker Buehler (3) got roughed up at Coors, and so did Wade Davis (-3). Now, for the positive. Eric Hosmer (24) collected 14 hits, but 13 of them were singles. Trevor Story (22.5) was good Trevor Story, which is no surprise because the Rockies played at home. Evan Longoria (21.5) and Christian Yelich (21.5) each homered twice. Lorenzo Cain (7.5) didn't do much except walk 5 times. 

So is Jon Gray good, or is he terrible? (You thought we
were going to make a joke about his hair, didn't you?)

7. BodySuit Man (1567.3 points, 3-6, last week 6): Adam's team lost again, and optimism is fading fast. The Costanzas finally homered, though, and that's an improvement. Still, no player reached 20 points, and scoring leader Jake Arrieta (19) needed 2 starts to tally as many points as he did. The injury to Noah Syndergaard has hurt, but Jon Gray (4.3) and Tanner Roark (-2) are better than this. At the plate, Starlin Castro (17.5), Joey Votto (15.5) and Ryan Braun (15.5) did their part in Week 9, but no one provided a thunderous performance. Jose Martinez (8) hasn't done anything of note for a while, and Jedd Gyorko (7) spent most of his time in the bathroom trying to figure out the 3-D art.

8. Project Mayhem (1547.2 points, 3-6, last week 8): Bill's team put it all together in a 211-point outburst against the Fasanos. Despite having no double starts, the pitching staff posted 70 points by allowing only 2 earned runs in 29 innings and going 3-0. Aaron Nola (18) continues to prove his ace-iness, and Jameson Taillon (19) was outstanding. On offense, the Fight Clubbers mashed 10 homers and drove in 37 runs. Nolan Arenado (27.5) led the way and moved into the Top 5 scorers among position players. Ben Zobrist (23.5) and Marcell Ozuna (18) burned their former employers in the commissioners' office, and Juan Soto (17.5) doesn't look like he's going away soon. It wasn't all good news, though. Tommy Pham (0) was nonexistent, and Alex Reyes (6) lasted 4 innings before going back on the DL.

We're including a photo of Chris Owings
just to annoy Rich. That's Chris on the right.

9. The Rookies (1488.3 points, 3-6, last week 9): The battle between FBLG's bottom 2 teams wasn't much of a battle at all, with Henry's club riding a big offensive surge to get past the Bucs. Eugenio Suarez (22), Freddie Freeman (20.5) and David Peralta (19.5) were the big names on the stat sheet, but there were contributions from role players Albert Almora (17), Scott Schebler (16) and Chris Owings (15), too. The pitching staff was feast or famine, with Gio Gonzalez (28.7) and Zack Greinke (16.7) providing the good. Trevor Williams (4), Felipe Vazquez (-2) and Jeff Samardzija (-3, then DL) were the anchors dragging the production to a grinding halt. 

10. Clemente's Bucs (1437.5 points, 3-6, last week 10): It feels like we're saying the same things about Ray's club every week. But instead of talking about the failures of Kris Bryant (10.5) and Rhys Hoskins (2, then DL), let's focus on the positive. Brandon Nimmo (31) had 3 homers and 3 doubles among his 9 hits, and he looks like a star in the making. Paul Goldschmidt (16) homered twice and might be starting to come around. Ray also jumped on Kenley Jansen (16.3) at the right time, as the Dodgers' closer has been nails since the first few weeks of the season. Jose Quintana (17) was strong, but the rest of the staff was kind of a mess. Thanks for nothing, Chase Anderson (0.7) and Luis Castillo (4.7 in 2 losses). 

Hitting leaders after Week 9

1. Freddie Freeman (R) 191
2. Nick Markakis (FDD) 187.5
3. Ozzie Albies (R) 185.5
4t. Charlie Blackmon (PYB) 176
4t. Nolan Arenado (PM) 176

Pitching leaders after Week 9

1. Max Scherzer (FF) 224.7
2. Jacob deGrom (FDD) 178.3
3. Patrick Corbin (FF) 167.3
4. Aaron Nola (PM) 162.3
5. Stephen Strasburg (FDD) 158.7